Good Weekend

I don't really know what I'm gonna say so hang in there with me.  I just feel like I should Blog.

The POD IS GONE!!!!!!! I parked in the driveway Friday for the 1st time since Nov 2008. The POD was like a bad houseguest.  It was supposed to be there for a month - 2 tops and it was almost 3 years. Gone now.  Now I feel SO motivated to keep cleaning all the clutter and crap we have accumulated.  I've been SO overwhelmed and just wanted to put my head in the sand but now I feel rejuvinated.  We were packrats and had clutter before Kallyn got RSD and I spent so much time concentrating on her.  Then I left for 2 months in 2007 and then the house really fell apart (do you think Jake did anything while I was gone?) and it has NEVER recovered. I still spent time concentraing on her.  My children are more important than housekeeping.  It's not "Hoarders" level but it's bad enough that I refuse to watch that show.  So, I spent the weekend working on my bedroom and came up with 3 more bags for Good Will. I have a dresser that I haven't seen the bottom drawers since Dec 2009 because there was stuff in front of them. I opened the drawer and the girls and I had a good laugh over what was in there.  ALL of it went in the Good Will bags.

THEN... oh boy....  I have two shelves in my room that are the length of a wall and they are what I see when I lay in bed.  I have looked at them for months and thought "I REALLY want to clean those up a bit".  There are some knick-knacks of Jake's that the girls have given him.  Some books of his, some books that I have read and he said he wanted to read but I knew he never would.  I cleaned up some of that stuff. Donated the unread books.  Packed up his knick-knacks in a box of his stuff I started. I layed in bed last night and looked at the shelves in a new light.  I LIKED looking at them for the first time in over a year.  I'm not done yet but it was a start. I'm taking back a life that has not been mine in a long long time.

Oh and I went to an AA meeting Friday night.  I have not been to one since March 2010 (my AA birthday month).  I went to the meeting that I call my homegroup.  I was hoping to see some people that I just love and miss and they were there. (I'm smiling now just thinking about it).  I haven't been to a meeting in that long for two reasons.  1)I have been really angry at my higher power. I just can't explain that.  2)I was having anxiety attacks that I really can't explain but it had a lot to do w/going to mtgs w/Jake knowing that he was still drinking and lying about it. There was shame even though I knew I shouldn't feel that way. Shame that I was staying in the situation instead of getting out of it.  I was driving home from work Friday and a voice popped up in my head and told me I should go to the meeting and instead of anxiety, I felt peace and happiness. And I was greeted with open arms and love. Told how much I was missed.  There is such a bond between recovering alcoholics, that can't be explained either.

AND... after the meeting I was hit on for my first time ... in I don't know how many years.  There was guy there that I had never seen and he was HOT... and my age ... and he asked if I wanted to go to another meeting afterwards.  But he was going to Bellevue and I was not about to go off with a stranger, even though others had seen him before.  I would have to see him a couple more times at the meeting.  After he left one of the guys was like "Damn! You were just hit on" and I said "DAMN, and he WAS HOT! I wanted to go!"  I told my daughters and my youngest was actually upset with me that I didn't get his phone #!!  That shocked me.

So, good, fun, productive weekend. (And I FINALLY got to complain about it being too hot!! Yay!!) This week I get to see the RahRahs on Wednesday and I'm so looking forward to that.