Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Cardiology Appt 7:30 a.m. on Aug 12

She's gonna kill me when she finds out how early it is. I wish it was sooner than 2 weeks. They scheduled a possible Echogram for 8:30, so at least we won't have to go back for that.

Lake Goodwin Community Park Destroyed in Arson

This playground is right next door to a campground that our family loves to go to. It is only a couple of years old and was very nice. The camp ground really has no playground (2 old swings and a tether ball) so it was so nice when this was built. It just breaks my heart. What goes through peoples mind when they decide to destroy other people's property?

When I "shared" this article, I thought it would actually put the article in the blog, not just the link. Still learning how Blogger works....


(and if anyone knows how to copy & paste something into Blogger, please let me know. I can't figure it out.)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Better Doc Appt

Yesterday's appointment went so so much better! Kallyn feels a bit self conscience, but she still sees her pediatrician. It is the same Dr she has seen since the day she was born. Literally. I had interviewed him before she was born and he knew he was going to be our Dr. He happened to be in the hospital the day she was born and came to see her before she was even 2 hours old. They see kids through college age at her clinic, so they have told her not to be self conscience and with her history, he has told her he would like to keep following her even though he hardly even works in the office anymore.

He said with Karli's past condition he understood totally why we would want to have tests done on Kallyn. It was his job to rule everything out. He listened to Kallyn say that she just KNEW that it wasn't anxiety attacks. I think a part of him thinks that it might be just that, but he is not going to talk down to her. He knows her anxiety and that she needs tests done in order to be appeased.... and that it IS his job to make sure that every thing is ruled out. He mentioned SVT's as well and explained exactly what it is and how it works. He told her how to help get over an "episode". He said her resting heart rate was at 90 when he listened, which was a little on the high side. He had her list all her meds and went "hmmm.... all of these have a risk of heart problems with prolonged use... but you need to be on them.... what you need to do is see a Cardiologist." (this had already been discussed - he was just restating it, with more emphasis). I am supposed to call this afternoon to schedule an appt.

I really do love that man! He has always been so great. We could tell the girls something and they wouldn't listen to us. Take them to him and he tells them, and it is like God has spoken. They listen. He will tell them, "I am going to talk to your mom for a minute, and then I will talk to you" and he will look at me and explain things and then look at them and talk directly to them and explain things more at their level, but not talking to them like they are babies.

When I was pregnant, I had asked my boss (who had 3 young children and 1 on the way), who his wife's OB-Gyn was and who their Pediatrian was. I ended up with two of the greatest men ever and 18 & 19 years later, I still see them and they have my 100% trust.

Momma - as far as switching the DR at Children's - she is the RND Dr. There are only two of them and the other is the head honcho and takes on the brand new cases to evaluate them. The only other choice is to go to Philly. BUT it's moot, Kallyn has decided she is not EVER going back to her, or her counselor (her counselor is leaving Children's 8/22 to have a private practice and Kal was going to continue to see her there, but no longer) not sure what we are going to do as she NEEDS to see a counselor and building trust is very very hard for her. Someone she finally trusted wholly as a specialist and a FRIEND completely betrayed her as far as she is concerned.

Monday, July 26, 2010


I thought I had blogged that the appt on Thursday was useless. The Dr said that it was either RND or Anxiety. Nothing else. Kallyn said "What about..." "No, it is either Anxiety or RND. Period. We are not discussing anything else." The Dr. said. So the paper that I had printed out from the link that Nurse R had sent me just sat there. Also, Kallyn's counselor ended up telling the Dr confidential info that was told in sessions. That just threw K over the edge. It was a horrible horrible visit. There is more to it that I just can't blog here.

She sees th Dr that she has known all of her life today at 11. I SO SO hope that it is a productive visit. She has been having 3-4 episodes a day. A couple have been scary where she loses her vision, she's dizzy and her heart beats hard. They last a couple of minutes. One happened while she was just chatting to me and Karli. Not about anything stressful at all - so how can they be anxiety attacks? She's had plenty of anxiety attacks and she swears there are not anxiety attacks.

The only thing keeping me sane is the weather. The blue sky. I love love love the blue sky. Oh and Friday night I picked up my new car. A 1997 metallic dark green MUSTANG. We got such a good deal on it. We got two cars with the $3k we got from the mini van. (just so you dont think we are rich cuz we recently got 2 cars)

Thursday, July 22, 2010


Kallyn keeps having these weird heart pounding episodes. Today she was driving when one happened. At least she was driving towards the hospital. She has an appt at 4:30 to see her RND Dr. I am hoping she has something to offer her.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


I just sat, staring at my computer for 5 minutes trying to think of a title. Trying to think of which of the 3 things on my mind I was going to blog about so that my blog wouldn't be sooo long. I know I do tend to ramble. I should just blog everyday so it doesn't all build up. sigh. Here I go.

So, last week Kallyn was put on an antibiotic AGAIN for a sinus infection that just won't go away. She went to the Dr on Monday by herself (she IS 18) and he gave her a scrip, which she did not fill, even though our pharmacy is in the same bldg. She woke up Tuesday with her tonsils so swollen they were almost touching. Jake got her scrip filled Tuesday afternoon. Wednesday & Thursday she had a fever and was just miserable, she had white sores & scabs on her tonsils. I looked it up and sounded like tonsilitis, she had antibiotics, so I didn't even call the Dr. Friday she woke up with an itchy rash all over her body. She took Benadryl, which seem to help. She woke up from a nap at the same time I got home from work and it was even worse. Her face was really red and when I looked it up, it really looked like Fifth's disease to me. (if you don't know, it is a childhood disease like Chicken Pox, Mumps, Measles - it's the 5th one and & they couldn't come up with a better name). Satureday I called the Dr's office as soon as it opened and left a message for the nurse. The Dr is open from 9-12 on Saturdays. We waited & waited. They have called me at 1 before. It got to be 1, then 2. damn. sigh. 3:30 they call. The nurse is sure it is an allergic reaction to the antibiotic... even though she's taken it before and been taking it for 3 days. She said that you can take it one dose and have a reaction the next dose. I have never heard of that. So she is on another one and rash is gone. The rash didn't just itch, it made her RND BURN. It was HORRIBLE. 2 1/2 days of pain & horrible itching.

MONDAY: I went to the Neurologist. I am scheduled to have an MRI on Aug 2. I joked that I had a CT Scan to find my brain and they didn't so now I need an MRI to look harder. They don't expect to find anything but just to make sure I have not had TIA's. (why does Blogspot not let me copy & paste info here?) TIA's are mini strokes. He believe's the "episodes" I had in May & June were a form of Migraine but he wan'ts to make sure they weren't TIA's. He gave me a lot of paperwork to read. Some supplements he wants me to take, keep a headache journal AND HE DIDN'T SAY TO STOP CAFFEINE! Yay! He doubled the preventative migraine med (Topomax) I take since it hasn't been working so much anymore. Nothing to help this horrible headache I have had for 2 wks now.

TUESDAY 3:15 AM: Kallyn woke us up because her heart was pounding out of her chest. I could almost hear it going "clunk clunk". She said she was just laying in bed watching TV and everything went black for a second and she got dizzy and then her heart started beating fast. We called 911. For all the medical crap we have gone through in the last 4 years, this is the 1st time we have called 911. The Fire & EMS guys came and hooked her up to a machine and they watched her heart rate go up and off the machine. It was over 200. They called the Medic Unit, they said they would give her a shot of something that would "convert" her heart back to normal rythym. But then her heartrate start coming back down. By the time the Medic Unit got there (he got lost) - it was normal. They said that was unusual. The guy walked in and said "I am great", he was overweight but CUTE - beautiful eyes. (Hey, my daughter was having a problem - but if I am going to have FIREMAN IN MY HOUSE - I AM GOING TO BE CHECKING THEM OUT!!). The Medic said that he wanted her to go to the hospital and he wanted the EMS guys to take her, in case it happened again. I got to sit in the ambulance across from the really cute Fireman and stare at him all the way to the hospital. As soon as we got there Kallyn said "It's not fair! I finally have Fireman working on me and I was in too much pain to even notice them. One was cute, but I didn't really care." Karli slept through the whole thing. 5 men making noise in our living room at 3:30 in the morning, a dog barking like crazy and she never woke up.

She had the "episode" 3 more times at Children's but each time was a little less intense. They took blood & urine, a chest x-ray and an ekg. They said everything looked GREAT. I asked if they knew what was going on. They said their job wasn't to figure out what was going on, it was just to make sure nothing serious was going on - that she didn't have a heartattack or stroke, and wasn't going to and that she was safe to leave the hospital and go see her Dr in a day or two. GREAT. 5 hours later I got to call Jake to come get us.

WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO KEEP HAPPENING TO HER????? Has she not gone through enough?? She had to miss work last month when she go into the car accident. She left work (closed down the store for an hour) when she went to work with tonsilitis and couldn't handle it. She isn't sure she still has a job because her boss won't respond to her. Her boss is a TWIT. She found out accidently last night, as did another girl she works with that. there is a MANDATORY all store meeting tonight. The other girl called the boss to ask if there was a meeting and the boss said "Oh, didn't I tell you two?" WTF?? She is the District Manager. She just wants to be a normal kid. Life won't let her.

Ok, one more short story and I'm done rambling.

I come home last night from work. As I walk up the stairs my aunt calls to see how Kallyn is doing. Instead of going inside, I sit on the front porch to talk. I often do that. There is usually a cat on the porch. I can sit on the porch and pet a cat and destress before going inside. Put off going inside.... I am sitting there and all of a sudden people are running down the street towards the house across the street, screaming the name of the younget kid. He is 2. The mom is on the phone while yelling his name, the end of the street lady is yelling his name and a bunch of kids are yelling. A next door neighbor comes out to join the search. One yells to go check at a neighbors on the street over. I just shake my head. I tell my aunt that a kid across the street appears to be missing and everyone is searching for him so I better go inside so I don't look like such a horrible person just sitting there.

Then I explain to her that the lady across the street is such a twit. She shouldn't have been allowed to have had that child. They have a gated yard and yet he runs into the street all the time. No one watches him. Her oldest is autistic and about 10 y/o. Then she has twins - a boy & girl about 6-7. The boy is slightly autistic and then they have the 2 y/o. The oldest boy loves to climb on things like their car, or um.. roof and try to fly. Jake has jumped their cars many many times because everyone gets out of the cars and goes into the house and no one shuts their doors. Then their battery is dead when they want to go somewhere. The lady at the end of the street is a sweetheart but she seems sort of um... airheaded too. She has a lot of kids, not sure how many. She has a son around 3-4 that was running around with just a shirt. Just. a. shirt. And she kept losing him. Twit mom found her son IN HER VAN. She opened the van and there he was, in his car seat. She grabbed him and fell to the ground, holding him. HOW IN THE HELL DID HE GET IN THERE??? He could not have opened the door and closed it by himself. I wonder if she left him in there. And you know what? After she was done holding him for a minute, SHE PUT HIM BACK IN THE CAR SEAT AND WALKED AWAY! She must have called 911 because a police officer showed up. By then her oldest son was missing and they were all calling for him. Turns out he was HIDING in the garage. Then I see neighbors coming from all over the place. Everyong single person on our street that was home was out looking for him. Except me and Kallyn. We were just standing there shaking our heads. Kallyn said the van is the 1st place she would have looked. I figured he was someplace in the house or garage. Am I cruel to not joined the search? I just KNEW he was not far and I KNEW he was safe. (no one has a pool or pond) If it was our other neighbor with kids, I would have been out there in a heartbeat. But this lady.... Kallyn has said several times that she wants to call CPS. I try to put myself in her place. She must be tired, it must be hard to care for all of them, ones with special needs. BUT THEN WHY WOULD SHE HAVE HAD A 4th?? I try to not judge others because you never know their "story" but sometimes it is hard.

Friday, July 16, 2010

We shall not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it

"We shall not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it."
This is an AA saying (one of the "promises" so to speak, if you follow the 12 Steps)
We cannot regret what we did in the past too much as it is what made us who we are today and we can't try to forget it all completely as we need to remember our mistakes so that we shall not repeat them.

We cannot "Future Trip" (another AA saying... there are so so many) - because then we will freak out. We need to take one day at a time. So many things happen each day, each hour, each minute - what good is it to worry too much about something out of our control that might or might not happen in a month or a year? There was a local car wash that had a reader board sign for a long time that read "Worry is a mis-use of the imagination". I like that a lot.

But we should focus on TODAY, also called the PRESENT and what is a present? It is a GIFT. That is all we truly have is the GIFT OF TODAY and we should treasure it.

Did I make you gag? Made myself gag a little bit. I truly to believe it, I just have a lot of trouble remembering it sometimes.

Another AA saying is "you are right where you are supposed to be" is that sort of another way of saying everything happens for a reason?

When I read Mo's 'What If' Blog, I was speechless. I had been doing a little What iffing just the night before. What if I hadn't become an alcoholic and drug addict? What if I hadn't killed all those brain cells? What might I have become? Would I be more than an Office Administrator? or am I right where I am supposed to be? Job-wise, I honestly think I am.

When I was 2 months sober I went with a guy from AA to Leavenworth for the day. We were sitting on this grassy hill talking and he asked me if I could have one wish right now, what would it be. The first thing that popped into my head - so clear - was this image of a house and I was looking from the outside in, through the front room window, and in the house was a family - husband, wife & kids and they were all laughing and happy. I could literally feel the warmth and happiness in me sitting there on that grassy hill. THAT was what I wanted. I wanted to be the wife of that happy family. I have had that wish come true. Not all the time, but many times. I think that wipes out a lot of What ifs.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Plymouth Neon

This is a car we bought with insurance money from the totaled mini van. *sniff* Still grieving some - especially after I realized that the van was really no longer a kid-toting soccer van - but really a Designated Driver Rah Rah Van! I always drove because 1)I had a car big enough to fit us all 2)everyone drinks but me - how perfect!

BUT I have to tell you - I. LOVE. THIS. CAR. !.!.!. OMG. I feel like I am driving a race car. I doesn't really look sporty, but it feels sporty to me when you are in it. It is SO basic inside. Manual everything and no AC. But oh lord how it drives!!! It takes corners so well, hugs them. MMMM. Jake said it hurts his back, the lumbar doesn't fit him right. Hmmm... it fits me like a glove. We had a father of our kids friends help us (it is one of the things he does... he does a lot of things) - it was advertised for $1900 and he got it down to $1400 but we had to pay him a $200 finder's fee.

GUESS WHAT??????????? There is another car we are going to look at that I am not going to tell you about yet. I am too excited and don't want to jinx it. It was advertised for $2100 and he got it down to $1400 + his $200. This would be my car and it has electric stuff and AC. I am hoping to go look at it tonight.

We told him we wanted to get 2 cars for $3000. He has done a pretty good job. He knows about cars so he checks them out first to make sure they are in good shape. He has also had Jake helping him some. Jake has run some errands and helped him paint to earn some money. It is just that this guy is sort of in his own little world so you never know what you are getting into if you agree to help him. An hour errand to Seattle could have you gone for 3 hours and stopping at 3 extra places. But for $40 vs sitting at home, I guess it is worth it.

If it weren't for the blue sky and the car, I would probably be falling apart, so I just concentrate on those and I smile.


I am HEEEEEEERE... at Blogger....

I have given up on MSN Spaces. I can't find anything or figure out how to move around there anymore. I don't know that I know Blogger any better but that is where everyone else is, so I might as well be a copy cat. I am not a huge fan of blogger because you can't just search through blogs (that I know of anyways)

So, here I am.

I was just talking to a guy from a focus group place. They have focus groups that range from 90 minutes to 3 hours and pay you CASH when you walk out the door. Anywhere from $60-100. They have to quiz you over the phone to see if you "qualify" for the studies they are doing. So I sit and answer the questions, cringing hoping that I answer the questions right. I wanted to do this 3 hour music study that paid $75. I did it in December and it was easy peasy and the 3 hrs flew by. $25 an hour. HELLO. I. FAILED. How do you fail to qualify??? I don't get it. I was on the phone for over 30 minutes, he went through 3 other studies. I failed them all or else they were during the day and I can only do the night ones of course. He was quizing me on one for taxes and the last question he asked me was "If you could have anyone from the past or present over for dinner, who would it be and why?" WHAT. THE. HELL? I said that was the strangest question I had ever been asked. He said it was the strangest question he had asked - it was the first time he had gone over that study. I told him I hadn't had enough coffee. I was trying to think of something smart to say. Someone who was dead - a relative..... or Thomas Edison or Roosevelt but I couldn't think of WHY I would want them - so I said Martina McBride, because I really like her and would like to meet her. THEN HE TELLS ME "Oh, wait - this study is only at 11 am and 3pm" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR He already knew I could only do 5:30 or later.

When he asked me the question, one of my first thoughts was - that would be a good essay for Mo. I bet she could write something GREAT on who she would have to dinner from the past or present. [EXCLUDING MIKE ROWE ; )]

I have more to write but alas, I have work to do.