Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Grant me the Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage
To change the things I can,
And the Wisdom
To know the difference.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I went to my chiropractor this morning. I told her that I felt like my left hip was about 2 inches higher than my right. She had me lay down on my stomach and did the big massage thing on my back that feels SO good. Then she pulled my legs together to look at my alignment, and she said "Oh my god." "Your left leg is 2 inches longer than your right, you are close to being dislocated. I know you are not dislocated because you wouldn't be able to walk, but you are pretty close." I told her that I had been having a lot of trouble walking. She asked how long I had been like that and I told her at least a week. I said I had to make a payment because I was long over due and then I had to be able to make the copayment. She said that if I was ever in that situation to leave her a message and she would take care of me, that she could see me for free. She is not going to let me go in pain. I have mentioned before that I love this woman very much. I knew inside me that she would do that for me but it is very hard for me to ask for that kind of help.

She asked how Jake was doing in his job search. She asked how the girls were doing. If Karli was playing soccer now. When I left she told me to say hi to the girls. She is such a totally caring person. Once I saw a Dr that was just plain cruel to me and I was so upset, I went to her office and she saw me in between patients just to give me a hug and her perspective and to agree that the Dr was an ass. I almost wish she was a medical doctor that I could see for my primary care.
I have been seeing her for 12 years I think (sometime in the mid-late 90's) so she knows alot about me and has been through a lot with me. Having someone you can trust makes a lot of difference.

My day has started of good and the sun is shining. ")

Monday, October 18, 2010

Junior High Reunion

I am excited about an upcoming reunion. When I was in Junior High there were 6 of us that were pretty close. The Clearview Crue. 5 of them lived around where I live now and I lived an hour north. When my parents divorced, they were the ones that helped keep me sane. I didn't have many friends where I lived. It was a small town and what ever status you had through elementary school stuck with you. I was not popular.

When my parents divorced, my mom became a cocktail waitress/bartender. It was the way a single, uneducated women could make enough money to survive. That meant she left for work before my sister (mentally challenged and 5 years younger than me) and I got home from school. At 13 I became my sister's mother. At 34, my mother had her mid-life crisis. When my sister went with her dad every other weekend, I got to get on a greyhound bus and escape down south. I should mention that one of the Clearview Crue was my aunt. She is 18 months younger than me. My grandma had money and my aunt and I were close so I got to go on some vacations with them as the playmate for my aunt. So I was escaping to my grandmas house and my aunts house. It is what kept me sane but it is also where I started smoking pot and drinking. (another escape).

Anyways, there were 3 girls and 3 boys. We roamed the streets and neighborhoods. We hung out at the local store. We snuck out at night and hung out in the half built houses. We would blast the boombox and sit in the middle of the road and make cars go around us. We thought we were so cool. It was a time that was less dangerous. We could tell my grandma we were leaving and she would simply say "be home by dark." My aunt had a basement wreck room that was the hang out place. My grandma didn't mind everyone coming over and eating all the food.

Anyways, through FB we have all connected and kept saying we should have a reunion. We have finally picked a date and time. One of us has recently divorced and is in the process of moving into an apartment. He says that will be the perfect way to break it in. There is one of us who joined FB but then disappeared again. We are having trouble contacting him but his parents still live in the same house so one of us was going to ask them.

It just seems like it would be a very fun night to live in the past again when our biggest problems seem so little now. We thought we ruled the world. hahahahahaha " ) Nov 6 makes me smile everytime I think of it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Special Guest!

I had a special guest commenter! I feel so special. Mo, if you are jealous, in your own words "bite me" ; )

I had asked Mo to please ask Mike for a referral to a psychologist because there are at least a thousand in the Premera coverage. I liked the person I had seen a couple years ago but she moved her office from close to my work to 30-45 minutes away depending on traffic and at the time I had so many Kallyn appts it was hard to fit one for myself in. The office by my work was handy as I would just take a75 min lunch or leave work a half hour early. A few months ago I tried calling 2 other ladies in her office. I left a msg for one and she called back and got my cell phone voice mail and left a rather bitchy message back because I did not answer my phone. I am sorry but she had a weird area code from another state so I didn't answer. The other person I left a message for never called me back. I haven't tried looking again.

Mike gave me 3 names 2 weeks ago and I hadn't done anything yet (but look at the names every day). 1 female and 2 male. I have always thought I wanted a female... I honestly dont know why since I have alway felt like I related to men better. Well, it turns out the female is quite far away anways so I looked up the males. I think they both look good but one is quite busy and is working at 3 different places so seems like he would be hard to get into, oh and he graduated 2 years ago. The other one has 30 years experience and is 10 minutes from office. Now I just need to call.

After my anxiety attack.

My husband went to the dump this week. He has cleaned our room, including vacuuming. He has done laundry and the dishes. I am highly suspicious but I don't know of what. Men who start grooming themselves are often having an affair... should I suspect he has another house? lol

He is on his way to a job interview as I type. He went to the college today to file a 6 month extension so we don't have to start paying the loans back yet as it was time to start doing that.

Premera denied me having the neck MRI that Dr Wood ordered for me. They don't think it is necessary. I love it when the insurance companies think they know better than the doctors. My neck is soooo screwed up. My chiropractor could attest to that. I have been seeing one for 12 years because my neck is so hypermobile that it comes out all the time. There are only 2 Dr's of the 5 at the clinic that will adjust my neck because it is so mobile the other 3 are afraid of it. Dr Wood thinks that could be related to my Fibro AND my chronic daily headache.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Want to blog now but don't have time

I want to blog but don't have time at work as I am quite busy and the router at home died so we have no internet and can't afford a new one until next payday (10/22)

Briefly - It has taken a week, but I have gotten a single user license software moved from another office to this office, loaded on my computer and learned it as the person who used to do it has left the company. It is a special software that Geotechnical companies use for their test pit and drilling logs. When I have seen reports to go out, there are typical 4 or 5 logs done. My first project had 28! I spent the entire day yesterday staring at the computer. I have more to do today. I LOVE LOVE being busy though and I and love learning something new and feeling like I am being productive. One of the owners told me that if anyone could do it, I could. That feels good (even though I partially know he is just sucking up to me... that is his way)

I am trying to drink less caffeine...again. I did good in August and I think I noticed a difference. September when to hell in a handbasket (what the $@#$@ does that mean??). There are 4 cans of Coke left in the fridge at work. I don't plan to buy more. If I am going to drink soda, it will have to be Pepsi *shudder* I bought green tea at Costco that tastes really good and today I brought in the electric kettle that I HAD to buy in Canada in March even though I didn't know when I'd ever use it. (Hello Cindy) I just christianed it. ")

So far the medicine the Neurologist put me on to help w/daily headache is not helping. First of all, I had to cut back on it as I was constantly dizzy (more like I felt like I had had 2-3 rum & cokes) and I wake up every morning feeling like my temples are in a vice and someone is tightening it.

Last thought... I am REALLY REALLY sick of the pepto bismol pink of my blog page so I want to find time to change it really soon.

No, back to doing logs. WAIT - THIS JUST IN: I just got a phone call saying that all of logs I did look beautiful and that it looks like I have mastered gINT!!!! WOOHOO!!!! I expected to have to edit a bunch of things that I messed up.

Oh, And gINT is pronounced with a G like Gail, not with a J sound like Joy. I spent 12 years at my last job and they pronounced it wrong. Do you know HOW HARD it is for me to say it correctly now?? My boss hates it hates it hates it when I say it wrong.

Monday, October 11, 2010


Yes, I went to the Rheumatologist on 9/30 and the Neurologist on 10/06 and have not blogged about it other than little FB status updates. I have no idea why other than I just feel myself staying away from the computer. Sort of withdrawing away from everyone. I have been really too busy at work to be on the internet and at home somehow our d-link dropped away and I can't figure out how to reconnect it so I have just been reading and watching TV (there are a lot of good new shows!). It is all I can do to go to work and then want to go home and crawl into bed. I have a heating pad mattress topper that feels soooo good. Then the weekend comes and I go to Punker's soccer game and can't seem to get myself to do much more. I am just SO exhausted. Mentally and physically. I argue w/myself all weekend about needing to get stuff done and my body wins.

It is hard to understand unless you have Fibromyalgia how frustrating it really is. I like to do laundry because you can put a load in the washer and dryer and feel a little productive. "I am doing laundry." I can proclaim as I climb back in bed. I folded towels with tears in my eyes as my shoulders were killing me and felt weighted down with lead. Sorry to be so depressing. Lets get on with the Dr appts as they are a bit more chipper.

9/30 - Dr Patrick Wood is a Rheumatologist that specializes in Fibromyalgia. He is a former professor at Louisianna State U, he worked at the McGill Pain Clinic and is a scientific advisor on the Board of the National Fibromyalgia Association. The downside is that he speaks/presents a lot so it is hard to get in to see him. I made my appt in July. My next one is 11/22. He told me that someone telling him that they have Fibro is liking someone saying they have a fever. He can't just give the person with a fever tylenol and send them home. They might die because he didn't figure out WHAT was causing the fever. There are often underlying causes as to Fibro pain. Most people with FMS have other issues - like IBS, Restless leg syndrome, Migraines etc... (I happen to have those 3 things) If you treat those things then you can help reduce the Fibro pain some and make it easier to treat. He thinks there are too many unanswered questions with me and wants me to have some tests done. He is sending me for a sleep study, lab work and a special neck MRI. He said is goal will be to reduce my meds in the long run but is putting me on some more now. Sometimes things have to get messier before they get better. He put me on 2 new prescription meds and 2 OTC supplements and he took me off 1 of the meds I have been on.

10/06 follow up with the Neurologist. 1st time I have seen him since the MRI that showed I had an aneurysm. I don't particularly care for him but I can't really put my finger on it. He said I should see a neurosurgeon before the end of the year so they can start following me. Even though I have had MORE migraines since he doubled my topomax (migraine preventative med) he said to stay on it. He wrote me a scrip for a nasal migraine med to try and I am trying 2 new daily meds for a month to see if they might help with my daily chronic headache. He is calling it a "new daily headache". He even gave me a handout on new daily headaches. I asked why he called it that and he said because it just came out of the blue. I had explained on the last visit and on this visit that I have had a daily headache for the last 26 years. It goes in cycles though where sometimes it is worse for a month, maybe 2 but this time it has been bad since May - much longer than ever before. Is 26 years considered "new"?? I guess I just feel like he doesn't really listen to me.

I told him about Dr Wood and sounded like he was writing him off but Dr Wood sounds like he wants to try to help my migraines. OH and Dr Wood said to bring Kallyn in to him!!! Kallyn has seen the neurologist and did not like him at all so she is excited to see Dr Wood.

Today I see my MD because she is the one giving me my pain med and I have to see her every 3 months for a med check and fill out forms in order to be on the pain med. Now is a time that I really need to be at work and being dependable and all of a sudden I need to make all of these appointments and none of them are close to where I work so I need to be gone for 3-4 hours when I go. I just hate that.

I also hate deciding whether we want to have water and power or whether to pay our mortgage. We have paid almost half of our September mortgage and thought we were going to pay the other half when I got paid last Friday but 1) we got a disconnection notice for water 2) the PUD check bounced - twice. So that is $50 less we have right there. I reallllly hate that! *sigh*

It's taken me 5 hours to write this as I have been sneaking bits here and there while I work, I hope the grammar and spelling isn't too bad.