Friday, September 30, 2011

It's a beautiful day!

So, yesterday at work I was telling my co-worker about needing a $1000 brake job on the Mustang (I really only have 1 co-worker.  There are 4 of us in my office at the moment (there are 5 in the other office).  1 guy is always in the field (until the weather gets bad anyways), my boss, me and my co-worker.  Anyways, I was telling him I was thinking of going back to the Truck and pushing the Stang off a cliff.  He went out and looked at the brakes, said I could away with just pads for now and doing the rotors and calipers later.  That the pads could buy me 6 mos to 2 yrs time.  AND they would only cost about $20.  AND that he would be willing to do it. 

So right this very moment, he is doing my rear brakes.  It was my rear brakes that were metal on metal so he said he'd start there and see if the front brakes needed to be done at a later date (for another $20). And he won't let me pay him. He likes doing this sort of stuff.

He's the same one that upon hearing I was going to take drum lessons, came back from lunch with drumsticks for me.

And before anyone gets any ideas, he's happily married with a genius 7 y/o son.  The kid should be in 2nd grade, but he's in 3rd grade and doing 4th grade math. (in February they moved him from 1st grade to 2nd grade.)  He was playing chess at age 3 (and trying to teach Kal how to play). 

My boss is out today and I am not really in the mood to work. I am ready for the weekend. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011

SUNNY Thursday

I don't care if it's only 54 degrees - the sky is totally blue and that does more for my spirit, energy and mood than any caffeinated energy drink will EVER do!

That's really all I have right now.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Saturday was a wonderful wonderful day!   It started by going for a walk around a beautiful lake in Seattle with a dear friend.  I've lived in the area all my life and I've never been there.  AND I hear about people walking, biking, rollerblading around it all the time... but I've never stopped to wonder how far it around it is. I told Jake was going and he said "That's about 2 1/5 miles around the lake you know."  I think my heart skipped a couple beats.  I said, "Oh, it CAN'T be THAT far." right says the little voice in my head?  "Barb says she usually goes around twice." he said "I'm sure she'll cut you a break."  I was still thinking "It CANT be that far, I CANT DO THAT FAR."

I get in the car Saturday morning and turn to Barb and told her that Jake said it was about 2 1/5 miles and do you know what she says to me???? "Actually it's closer to 3."  ohmygodimgoingtodie.  But I did it.  I was limping probably about the last quarter mile as my left side was not happy with me.  But the happy
endorphins were out cheering me on.  Barb told me that I better start walking because next time we ARE going around twice. *whimper* who says there's going to be a next time? JOKING, I will do it. 

Next I went to talk to Jake about financial stuff.  I've been procrastinating doing it, just because I know it will depress him more. Not having a job is hard on the ego and having financial problems just adds to it all.  But having opened a new checking account and having my check deposited there, I have now cut him off from all money.  Something that I have procrastined on all year.  It was hard to do it.  Another step towards moving on.

Then the girls and I went to the opening season game of TBirds Hockey against their arch rival Portland.  It was SO much fun!  We ended up sitting way up high, which doesn't matter viewing wise - there is not a bad seat in the house, it just KILLED the already sore body to walk up and down all the steps and then we were on the end and the people in the middle WOULD NOT STAY SEATED.  There were about 8 people that kept getting up and down all through the game. Not only was it annoying as hell, it was very hard on all of legs to have to keep getting up and down.

We were also honored to be in the presense of  a Medal of Honor recipient - the highest award you can receive.  As the announcer read his story, I just had total body chills and then when he walked out onto the ice in full uniform, it was more so. He threw out the first puck (I don't see how that sounds dirty Mo.)
Here is a story that I found on the ABC
July 13, 2011
Medal of Honor recipient Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Petry was honored at the Pentagon today for the heroism that cost him his right hand but saved the lives of two of his fellow soldiers.

Petry is only the second living recipient of the nation's highest award for valor in the wars in Afghanistan or Iraq.

Petry lost his right hand on May 26, 2008 during what his platoon commander described as one of the most complex Special Operations raids ever conducted in Afghanistan at the time. A platoon of Rangers was targeting a high-value target hiding in a compound in eastern Afghanistan.

Special Operations forces typically conduct their missions at night, but this mission was more dangerous because it was conducted during daylight. Almost immediately after getting out of their helicopters, the Rangers came under strong enemy fire.

Petry was shot in both of his legs shortly after entering the compound. When a grenade thrown by an Afghan insurgent landed 15 feet from where he and two other Rangers had taken cover, Petry did not hesitate. He lunged to throw it away from them because the blast radius would have likely killed them.

He told reporters today his immediate reaction was "get it out of here, get it away from the guys and myself. And I reached over, leaned over to the right, grabbed it with my hand, and I threw it as hard as I could, what I thought was at the time. And as soon as I opened my hand to let it go, it just exploded instantly. And I came back, and the hand was completely severed off."

Petry said receiving the medal has not changed who he is. "It's a decoration, it's not a depiction of who I am, so I am still me," he said. "The medal is just a decoration that they thought I deserved."  But he described the medal as "a great opportunity to influence positive impact on younger soldiers, children -- walks of all life in our nation."

As a Medal of Honor recipient, he said his message would be to "never forget your fallen heroes who paid the ultimate sacrifice, but embrace the living, those continuing to serve in the uniformed services and those overseas continuing in the fight."

Though he struggled with a decision about whether to remain in the Army after his injury, he is glad he chose to remain and become a liaison to wounded warriors.  WHAT A GUY! He sat in a Suite right behind us.  He's cute too!

ALSO, Stephano Langone from Americal Idol sang the National Anthem.  Too bad we lost 3-6.  But it was a very great day.  I'm having trouble moving today (2nd day is always most painful and the rain does not help) But I would not change anything I did!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011


It breaks my heart when my children are hurting and unhappy.  I want to wrap them up in a cocoon from the world... but one of them needs to break out of the cocoon she is in and face the world.  She is terrified to and that is why she is hurting, she has also been hurt over and over again by people she trusts and so now she has built tall walls.  I keep praying and praying for her.  I pray that someone out there in the great Universe hears my prayers.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Mother in law Bday and feeling melancholy

Still feeling that up and down weirdness.  I. Do. Not. Like. It.

Yesterday was a birthday party for my mother in lawa and her twin sister.  They usually go out of town for their birthday and meet up with their other 2 sisters that live in California, but I guess my MIL's sister wanted to be in town for their 75th bday.  (they left this am for their 5 day trip).  My MIL had called a couple weeks saying that she wanted more than anything for me and the girls to be there.  I said OF COURSE.  They are and have been my family for 20 years. 

So why did it feel so weird?

They are the most loving, accepting people in the world.  It took me awhile when I first started coming around to be comfortable with them all because EVERYONE hugs you when you come into the house and it takes at least a half hour to get out the door because everyone has to hug you before you leave.  I didn't grow up with that much affection and touching. It doesn't matter who you are, you are accepted as one of them if someone brings a new person around. It never matter one bit that I was 10 years younger.   Not one single person treated me differently.  In fact, if anything, I am more the accepted one because some people realize I have made some um... positive choices/changes where he has not.  They don't look down on me for what I have done. 

So why the weirdness?   I just felt weird being at a family function with Jake... not in a family way.  We came separately, we left separately.  We did sit and talk about our daughters, but it was all kind of .... sad for me. It really hit me hard  I sat there wondering if I really did fit in there anymore.  Wondering if I could do this again.... go to a "family" function where I was not really, yes but no at the same time, part of the family. 

Then this morning on FB I got a "family" request from Jake where you put in your family relationship like son or daughter, cousin etc ... I thought "WTH?" does he REALLY expect me to link myself as his wife?  I ignored the request.  I already changed my status about a month ago so that I didn't show up at the top of the page as being in a relationship as the wife of Xxxx. 

Friday, September 16, 2011


Oh Martha, you should have texted me! I wasn't on the computer after about 4:45.

Mo, I will have you know that I have had 2 guys compliment me on my dancing in the last week. : D  I have always been self conscience of my dancing, worried that I DO dance like Elaine Benes. I have felt awkwards in the past but lately I have been feeling more in the groove, but still have no idea what I look like, so having some compliments sure makes me feel better. (A little ego boost never hurts.) Put the 29th on your calendar. They start at 9 and the first set is done about 10 if you don't want to stay late (they play til midnight). Kamakazees, Blue Lagoons (what Kelly Jo drinks) and Lemon Drops are $3. I have no idea what is in any of those.  I mostly just drink water.  Kelly's divorce support group had a "meet up" so there were a lot of people there and I found someone to dance with all night. I thought I was safe from being hit on... but I did get asked out at the end of the night. I politely declined. Nice dancer, but SO not my type.
Tonight my daughters and I are house sitting for a friend and having a girls night.  Our friend has a HUGE flat screen TV on her wall , a million movies and a huge, comfy sectional couch.  A very nice way to end the week.  Tomorrow is my mother-in-law's 75th birthday and Sunday we are going over to her twin's house for a family get together. 
I guess I better get back to work.  *yawn*

Thursday, September 15, 2011

RoLlEr CoAsTeR

My emotions have been on a roller coaster this week. And I guess the week is dragging because Tuesday's blog feels like I wrote it last week. I am happy one moment, sad another and grumpy or pissed of another.  I WANT to be happy. I am fighting and struggling to stay happy.

I have talked to the Bankruptcy attorney, got his paperwork in the mail.  I had misundestood and thought I only needed a little $ to get started.  I need a little to retain him and be able to start throwing his name around to creditors, but I need a LOT to actually file.

I got the new bank account too.

But all of a sudden I feel like I'm "stuck" again.

I've got a daughter doing driver's ed and picking her up from where she's taking it 3 days a week doesn't get me home from work until 6:45.  I don't like that much. At least that is only until October 7th.   My other daughter is having personal issues (is it still "personal" when it affects everyone around you?) that breaks my heart and I just want so much to see her happy and pain free.

Then there is also something going on with me that only a couple people know. That I just can't share right now.  It's kind of making my brain crazy though. A mixture of making me happy and driving me crazy.  Almost more on the driving me crazy side.

And then there is dancing.  I really like dancing and wish I could go more than once or twice a week.  Tuesday when I was feeling really down, that is what I wanted to do more than anything was go to the dancing place in Woodinville that I go to.  I wish I was brave enough to go by myself or that more of my friends would go out with me.  That's what I'm doing tonight and I just cannot wait!! That is what is getting me through today. I'm going dancin to Disco tonight! (it is better than it sounds - really!)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I've got the blues

I'm not happy today and I don't know why and that when happens, it just makes me sadder.  Today its made me a little pissed off because I don't WANT to be sad damn it. 

So I'm a pissed off sad person. 

But I keep forcing a smile on my face.  I sort of sound like a Chucky doll.  A smiling, pissed off sad person. I'd be scared of me if I were you.

It blame it on the gray... which sort of makes me anxious, because I know the sun is running out and gray season is coming soon.  I think I really need to invest in one of those sun/light bulb things you can buy for your house if you have SAD (seasonal affective disorder)... the Northwest is a horrible place to live if you have that.


Monday, September 12, 2011


Karli got her permit on Saturday.  She was SO excited.  She had scheduled her first drive for today so she needed to practice as much as possible.  I let her drive for about an hour before I'd had enough. ") 

Then, Bobbie and I got to go see Plantinum Spandex,  Oh how I love those guys!!! They are having a costume party Oct 28th and I haven't the slightest idea what to wear, but I have to go!  We spent quite a bit of time planning Bobbie's costume.  It's brilliant.  Big Daddy's has become my new favorite place. I really do like dancing.  It is just a way to get some emotion and stress out.  I feel like I probably look like a dork out there, but I am having fun!  I'm going again on Thursday.  The girls are not too happy about me going out so much.  I've tried to explain that I just feel alive and don't feel like sitting at home like I have been doing forever.  I feel like it's only because of the sun and nice weather and when the gray and rain comes that I won't have this energy and will be back to the bedroom.  I just want to enjoy this alive feeling while I can. I am hoping that it's because I've lost all this weight and feel better about myself and I'm making some positive, forward moving choices in my life... but I just don't know.  

Sunday we went to a 1st birthday party that was out of this world.  I'm sure it cost a couple thousand dollars.  They rented a building on Alki beach.  There was a bounce house and a clown that painted faces, did a magic show and blew up balloons.  The food was catered and it was all gourmet, fancier than I have ever eaten.  There was a champagne fountain, along with punch and soda and beer.  Everything was pink.  Pink plastic champagne glasses, pink plates, napkins, cups, plasticware.  The tables had white cloths with hot pink table runners and the chairs were black.  My cousin (the 1 y/o's momma) was wearing a hot pink skirt, white blouse and black belt - she totally matched! OH, the cake looked more like a wedding cake than a kid cake.  There were miniature gumball machines for the parting gift for the kids and this crystal ornament for the adults. But there was also all this candy for this kids.  Fancy flower arrangements on each table.  Just amazing.

We left there before it was over to go to a BBQ at my brother's house.  He's been fishing up a storm.  I love salmon!  I think I'm having another drum lesson on Wednesday.

I haven't slept too well the last couple nights so I'm really tired right now.  It's going to be an early night.  I just hope I can sleep instead of waking up every hour.

Phone call from Heaven

I just read what I last blogged...and my mind MUST have been jumbled because I forgot something important from Friday! 

In my cell contacts I have my mom listed as "mom" and my step-dad's phone is listed as "Geoff".  When he past away, my mom started using his phone because she was having trouble with hers. I haven't changed the contact names because it just makes me feel a little close to him to see his name pop up on my cell when she calls.

Friday I went to leave for work and grabbed my cell phone and saw that I had missed a call from "mom" at 7:14.  I thought it was really weird that she would call me on that phone.  I call it right back and got no answer.  I thought it must be an accidental dial so I didn't call her other #.   I talked to her later in the day and asked why she called me so early and she said she didn't.  I said yes, she did, and it was from her old phone.  She said that was impossible, that phone was dead in the desk drawer.  She hadn't used it since we came home from the hospital.  I came over later and I showed her the missed call on my phone and she showed me the dead phone.  (The problem with the phone is that it wouldn't hold a charge.)  We were just looking at each other.  I said "I wonder if he was trying to tell me something, or was just saying hi."   We are both convinced that Geoff called me.  She wants to know what would have happened if I had answered the call.

Friday, September 9, 2011


I opened my first solo checking account in over 20 years.  Another milestone for me.  I keep making little ones.  See, I've been posting postive things!  My mind is back and forth between clear and knowing what it wants and a jumbling, confused, neurotic mess.

I think my eldest is making herself sick with stress... now where did she get THAT from? She gets this painful rash on her legs when she's really stressed... like her stress comes out her pores.  Now Wednesday her right knee is swollen and she had no idea why.  Last night it was REALLY swollen.  I keep telling her to relax and deep breath.  Meditate.  What she really needs to do is call a couple colleges and make appointments to talk to the advisors.  And I think she is making herself sick over it.  (kinda like I was making myself sick by not calling the bankruptcy attorney)  But HER sick is even worse with her nerve disorder (5 years ago today was that life altering soccer game).

My mind is in that jumbled, confused mess right now.  Too many things going on.  Most for the good, but that doesn't seem to calm the brain. 

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Oh my

Karli did start Driver's Ed yesterday.  I wasn't expecting her to take it until around December, when she turns 15 1/2 but this sort of just fell in our laps on Monday.  The class costs about $200 less than I thought a class would be. The deal has been that Karli has to pay half of the class and she just happens to have the money for all of it right now, so she paid it all and I owe her.  When I signed her up online yesterday all of a sudden I had tears in my eyes.  My baby is taking driver's ed.  She is the "baby" of her friends and her Sophomore class.  One of her best friends has already turned 16, one turns 16 next month and another in Nov. Karli JUST turned 15.  It is hard on mom.

I have a 30 minute phone consultation with a bankruptcy attorney at 6 pm today.  I am actually a bit excited... and very nervous.

I need brakes on the Mustang badly and the quote we have from our usual car place seems high so today Jake was supposed to take it to 1, maybe 2 other places for quotes.  I was going to very carefully drive the uninsured truck to work.  Best laid plans.

First I wake up with a migraine. On a day when I have to do "prebills" at work, which quite often gives me a migraine.  It's leaning over the desk staring at excel spreadsheets and manually adding up and doing math - all very old fashioned and bass-ackwards, but how my boss wants it done. *sigh*  ANYWAYS, I take a bunch of meds (including sudafed, sinus's are KILLING ME).  Get in the truck and drive off... about 20 feet.  Thumpity, bumpity, Thumpity, bumpity OH MY GOD, DO NOT TELL ME I HAVE A FLAT! Stop the truck, get out and sure enough, flat tire.  Turn truck around, cursing up a storm.  Transfer everything out. Get in the Mustang.  Text Jake. 

I was actually 5 minutes early for once... now, 10 minutes late. Thank you very much.

Migraine?  Still there but not as bad as it was.  I am leaving at 1:45 today to take Karli to the DR for a check up for her back and then to PT.  THEN I get to go to Applebees AGAIN!  3rd Wednesday in a row.  I can't stay too long though, because now I get to talk to an attorney.  Yay me....  At least I will be there long enough to to fill out that $25 gift certificate form, cuz it's my turn to win!!!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Very nice weekend

Saturday was Karli's Daughter's Day.  She told me in June that all she wanted for Daughter's Day was to go up in the Space Needle.  She has never been up in it because she is afraid of heights but she did this rope climbing thing in June that was very scary for her and she conquered it and that gave her the courage to think she could do the Space Needle.  I don't believe I have been up in it since prom night.

Her Daughter's Day happens to fall during Bumbershoot and I didn't think we could get to it and I told her so.  She was slightly disappointed but asked if we could do it the following weekend.  But during the week when I was planning daughter's day, I looked it up and found out it was not "in the Bumbershoot fenced area".  Yay! Karli also wanted to see the "Gum Wall" at Pike Place.  Something I had never heard of until about 3 months ago but is evidentally a huge deal and her friends couldn't believe she had never seen it. (I'm so sorry we didn't take Donna to see it... she missed the chance to see a wall of colored saliva.) So I decided to surprise her.  We took the bus to Seattle, saw the gum wall and Pike Place, walked to the monorail and took it to the Space Needle.  When she found out that she COULD  actually go up in the Space Needle she freaked out..... until we got there.... and she looked up.... and up... and up... she said she was sorry but she couldn't do it after all.  She thought she could, but it was taller in person than it was in her mind.  I told her not to worry about it. (I really had NO desire to go up in it anyways, it was all for her!)  We had been saying on the way there that maybe next Daughter's Day we would ride The Ducks since we've talked about that for years and years and have never done it.  When she decided not to do the Space Needle a light bulb went of and I said LET'S DO THE DUCKS!  So we did.  It was great fun. I liked the water portion the best. Now we need to do it with Kallyn.  Then we stopped to watch this cute (shirtless) guy play bucket drums and he asked Karli to take one of his cards and Facebook him.  He asked her what her name was.  She thought THAT was the best part of her entire day! ; )

I did some more cleaning off and on.  2 boxes of recycle as I went through more papers.  Bill receipts and medical insurance slips from 2007.  That alone was about a whole box. I found stuff from 2004... I have always kept all records of payments I've made.  It felt good to shred stuff - oh yeah - the 2 boxes doesn't include the shredding! I took out a garbage bag of shredded stuff too! 

I am currently waiting for a call back from a bankruptcy attorney (i left a msg on Friday but then I found out he took a long wkend)

I am currently waiting for a phone call back from a Driving school.  There's a possibility Karli might start Driver's Ed TODAY. *gulp... shudder*  She is going to pay for most of it. If not today then October 11th. I wouldn't be ready then either...