Mother in law Bday and feeling melancholy

Still feeling that up and down weirdness.  I. Do. Not. Like. It.

Yesterday was a birthday party for my mother in lawa and her twin sister.  They usually go out of town for their birthday and meet up with their other 2 sisters that live in California, but I guess my MIL's sister wanted to be in town for their 75th bday.  (they left this am for their 5 day trip).  My MIL had called a couple weeks saying that she wanted more than anything for me and the girls to be there.  I said OF COURSE.  They are and have been my family for 20 years. 

So why did it feel so weird?

They are the most loving, accepting people in the world.  It took me awhile when I first started coming around to be comfortable with them all because EVERYONE hugs you when you come into the house and it takes at least a half hour to get out the door because everyone has to hug you before you leave.  I didn't grow up with that much affection and touching. It doesn't matter who you are, you are accepted as one of them if someone brings a new person around. It never matter one bit that I was 10 years younger.   Not one single person treated me differently.  In fact, if anything, I am more the accepted one because some people realize I have made some um... positive choices/changes where he has not.  They don't look down on me for what I have done. 

So why the weirdness?   I just felt weird being at a family function with Jake... not in a family way.  We came separately, we left separately.  We did sit and talk about our daughters, but it was all kind of .... sad for me. It really hit me hard  I sat there wondering if I really did fit in there anymore.  Wondering if I could do this again.... go to a "family" function where I was not really, yes but no at the same time, part of the family. 

Then this morning on FB I got a "family" request from Jake where you put in your family relationship like son or daughter, cousin etc ... I thought "WTH?" does he REALLY expect me to link myself as his wife?  I ignored the request.  I already changed my status about a month ago so that I didn't show up at the top of the page as being in a relationship as the wife of Xxxx.