Friday, March 25, 2011


This is one of the loooooooonnnnnnnngggeeeesssssssstttttt Friday's of my life.  Usually my mornings fly and before I know it, it is noon and then a lot of times the afternoon drags for me.  Today I was ready for it to be noon and it was 9:46.  Could be partially because I do not feel good at all and just want to get into my jammies and climb into bed and sleeeeeep.  My head hurts and I've been doubled over with stomach issues all day.  Running to the bathroom and feeling like I am going to puke.  Don't think it is food poisoning as I've hardly eaten anything the last couple of days. 

But I just HAD to blog about my dear wonderful neighbor (the tax man).  He called last night and said that his wife told him Tuesday night that our taxes hadn't made it to us and he was suprised so he went to check it out and was told it was kicked back because the EIN on the W2 was different than what the IRS had for the EIN of my company.  That is funny, because they sure seem to have our correct EIN on THIS end (work).  He said he spent 90 minutes on the phone with the eFile "guru" in Miami and finally got it resubmitted and was told yesterday that it was confirmed as being received.  But now I was back to the 8-15 days waiting period.

He said "But you can't really wait that long can you?" I said I didn't really have a choice and he said "I would like to write you a check for amount of your return and then you can just pay me when you get it."  I squeaked out "You can't do that."  as far as I knew, they are about as broke as we are.  He said "Yes I can, please let me do this for you Demery.  I will be over in 10 minutes."   A check AND at the door delivery!   When he brought it over it he was telling me that he hasn't paid his heating bill in 2 months and he doesn't get paid until April 18th for what he's doing now.  I was like, then YOU need THIS money.  He said that oh now, he didn't want to touch it, but it was in an account only earning like 2% interest so he didn't mind loaning it out for 2-3 weeks.  IS HE NOT A WONDERFUL MAN??

Now tomorrow I can go to the Credit Union and when his check has cleared, I can pay January and February's mortgage.  (and just be behind March and in one week, April's)  PROGRESS though... right?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Whooo boy -

I have just been an emotional mess for about a week.  (yes, yes - I know much longer - but it's been WORSE)

First Kallyn and her boyfriend broke up last Wednesday night.  I am so very proud of her, because he hasn't been treating her right and while she is DEVASTATED, (D-E-V-A-S-T-A-T-E-D) she got tired of it and iniated the "talk".  He decided he doesn't have time for a girlfriend now.  He is working OMG get this ...
40 HOURS A WEEK (and not in school or anything) It's hard being a grown up huh?

Jeanetha's service was Sunday and her whole death has just had me freaked out.  As far as I knew, she was a perfectly healthy 43 y/o woman that had a heart attack.  I asked someone at the memorial if she had had an autopsy and she said "Didn't you hear? She had a broken toe that caused an emobolism."  OMG.  WTH.? What are the odds?  I've joked at work, or my boss has joked... "I've got to have xxx in order because you never know, I could be hit by a bus."  Truth is, you truly never know what might happen.  Life is too damn short and too damn precious.

My little brother that's married and my sister-in-law live in Phoenix (EVERYONE else lives right around here).  Her dad has been having stomach issues and intense pain.  Doctors finally decided he had a hiatial hernia and something wrong with his esphogus, both surgically repairable.  Last Tuesday he had surgery at the UW and Thursday went home to Cle Elum.  Friday he ended up in Ellensburg Hospital with double pneumonia, dementia and internal bleeding.  Over the weekend His lungs shut down from the pneumonia, which made his heart stop and they had to resuscitate him.  I got a text from one of my sisters Monday morn that they were on their way here from Phoenix because he was now in a coma and they didn't expect him to make it.  While my B & SIL were in the air, they arilifted him from Ellensburg to the UW.  He just turned 50.  A week ago he went into the hospital for a fairly standard surgery.  I guess it turned out he had pneumonia already and they didn't realize when the operated on him.  He lost oxygen when his heart stopped.  They don't think he is going to come out of the coma. They were going to do an MRI today and the Dr's wanted to have a "family meeting" tomorrow. We went to visit my bro & SIL last night.  They don't have money and my brother had just planned to take SIL to airport but when it was time for him to go, he couldn't leave her and got on the plane w/her - with nothing.  Is that not SO SWEET?  Ever since I got the text Mon AM, I have just been a wreck - it makes another point at how short life is and how unexpectedly things can turn out.

While I was at the UW last night I got a text from Deb saying that her son was in the hospital in Arizona with a punctured lung.  ((hugs)) Deb.

Martha, I have checked the IRS site many many many many times and it kept saying that they hadn't received anything from us yet.  Jake was at the house yesterday and caught the wife neighbor of the CPA and she said that he mentioned that it came back for some reason (WHEN? I'd like to know) and that he was going to call last night - but he didn't and I forgot until this morning.

The mortgage person called again yesterday... she's still trying to be really nice but she can only hold off her boss's for so long.

*sigh*  that post drained me even more emotionally.  I am SUPER tired today.  Just want to sleee   zzzz..... (No Mo, that does not say sleaze!) ; )

Friday, March 18, 2011

I AM LEGAL TODAY!! WOOT-WOOT Here is a repost from this day last year.

March 18, 2010
I am going to Canada tomorrow with Mo, William and his friend. We are going to stay at Cindy’s Friday night and then venture into Vancouver Saturday to sight see some (I haven’t been to Vancouver for 20 years) and then watch Williams & his friend drink just because they are 19 and they can. Seriously. That is the whole point of the trip. Mo invited me because I am her Canada partner-in-crime. I guess if she’s going to get arrested for any reason coming across the border, she wants me by her side. I would like to go to China Town (or it’s probably PC to say International District)

I am 20 today!!!! My AA Birthday that is. St. Patricks Day 1990 is the last day I drank. It is a good think I celebrated my real 20th birthday in Canada since I was sober when I turned 21. Yes – that is the last time I was in Vancouver – to drink. So I actually don’t remember much about the whole trip. When I first got sober I thought I couldn’t wait until I turned 40 because shortly after I would have 20 years and then I would be sober half my life. Because yes, I came out drinking – mom drank while pregant, it was common practice back then to stick some whiskey in the baby bottle to help baby sleep, it was ok to give kids sips of drinks. I drank kerosene when I was 18 months old because it was in a wine bottle and I LOVED wine. I knew what a wine bottle was. I saw it, I drank it, I quit breathing. Hmmm… never liked wine after that. I still cannot stand the smell of red wine. Turns my stomach. 20 and it is still not always easy. Let me tell you. With all the stress I have, having a drink would be nice – but I wouldn’t have A drink and I know that.

March 18, 2011
OH, what I wouldn't give to go back to Canada with Mo, William and my "son" Elliot!  That was so much fun. I haven't been to see Cindy since then and she has done all sorts of fancy stuff to her house since then.  Yes, leaving the country right now sounds good.
Kallyn and her boyfriend broke up the night before last.  She is devastated.  She can't stop crying and mostly wants to just lay in her dark bedroom because everything on TV or in music makes her think of him.  He also has a dachshund that she is quite attached to - and vice versa. The dog goes crazy and climbs up her and lays her head on Kallyn's shoulder like a child when she sees her.
I am 21 years sober today and legal! ")  I can't lie, there are still some times that it is hard. Some alcoholics don't like the taste, they just want the effects.  I really liked rum and coke, or whiskey and coke.  BUT after what myself and my daughters have gone through for the last 4 years with Jake - THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL that I would EVER do that to my family and friends.  It is not worth it for anything.  I drink and I lose everything.  For what?  Feeling f'd up for a few hours?  Then losing everything.  People drink to feel better and just end up feeling 10x worse. 
Karli saw a counselor yesterday.  She didn't really comment afterwards.  The first appointment is mostly about gathering all of her background info and getting to know her.  That took an hour and then they talked for a half hour together with out me in the room.  She goes back next Tuesday.  I told her she had to see this lady at least 3x before she decided whether she "clicked" with her.
Now if I can just talk Kallyn into seeing someone.  Especially now with the breakup when she is saying there is no point in living.  That she will never trust anyone again.  That she is better off with no friends so noone can hurt her. *sigh*
Still no check from the IRS.  It was efiled on Feb 24 and was supposed to take 8-14 days. It has been 16 days. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

It's NOT spam... I'm relieved AND horrified

I decided to google the Comcast commenter and actually found his name in a couple of places where he had assisted other people (the people had mentioned him... not the other way around).  So I emailed him this morning.  BUT OF ALL THE BLOGS TO READ!!!! Seriously?  The one one where I mention my privates? I don't usually talk like that.  *sigh*

Monday, March 14, 2011


Driving to work I kept squirming a bit.  My b00bs didn't feel quiet right.  Then a realization dawned on me.  Ohmygod!  I had to cop a feel to make sure.  HOW ON EARTH DOES ONE FORGET TO PUT ON A BRA?  I was almost to work and running a few minutes late.  There is no way I could turn around. Fortunately I am wearing a fairly baggy sweater today, with a tank top underneath AND I have a company jacket I often wear at work because I freeze.  I know the two guys here can't tell, but I CAN TELL.  Yes, my brain was spinning at 100 mph this A.M. and it was REALLY an hour earlier than the same time last Monday when I had to deal with a new week.  BUT STILL.

Then I thought "If Mo's dad is trying to tell me something, I would MUCH prefer that he just had me forget my deoderant!" 

Comcast has called every day last week.  I made a $50 payment on Thursday but evidentally that's not good enough. If it goes out we will be w/o TV, computers and home phone.  Kallyn has to pay $180 a month for her insurance and cell phone.  This month she gave me that + $60 to help out.  She asked me yesterday what I did with all the money she gave me.  I said I used it for insurance to to put gas in the truck.  It now costs me about $7 a day to get to work & back with that stupid thing.

And I HATE the rain. So sick of it. Ugh.

Friday, March 11, 2011


Creative Title I know.

Ok, I've got to have at least one positive thing to say. (I felt much more positive yesterday)
Today is one week that Scooter came walking in the door!! 
Every single day we all say what a miracle it is and thank God that he is back in our lives.
It seems like he was gone longer than he was.  I still just can. not. believe that he survived in a car for 3 weeks.  I wonder if he licked the windows for liquid? If there was some food waste for him to eat?  What was going through his mind?  It just breaks my heart.  He has done fine at staying in the house but now the last 2 days he wants outside really bad.  The other cats go out and he's always gone out.  He hasn't been outside for a month.  Actually, Jake let him out with him the other day when he had a cigarette.  Us 3 girls went crazy on him and yelled at him.... and you know what?  About 1/2 hour later he did it again!!!  He is SO damn frustrating!  (Karli and I stayed home sick Tuesday and Kallyn got off work at noon so he came over and cooked french toast for lunch - in case ya'll are wondering what he was doing over)

Last night I took Karli and a friend of hers went to see a movie at Cascadia called To Save a Life.  It was about teen suicide and it was very good.  It was kind of Christian based.  It was a church group at Cascadia that put it on, but it was still good.  Karli is grounded but I let her and her friend go because of the topic and because I was going to be with them the whole time. 

Wednesday when I came home from work I found a tag on the door from PSE saying they had disconnected us due to lack of payment but when I went inside, there were lights and TV's going.  Hmmm.... But when I came home Thursday the house was FREEZING cold. That's when it hit me.  PUD is the power and lights etc... PSE is the gas that runs our gas fireplace that heats our house!  We each have little heaters for our bedrooms since the fireplace doesn't always reach to them & if the girls close their bedroom doors, it doesn't allow the heat in.  So at least we aren't completely with out heat.  When we replaced the water heater we got electric so we have hot water. Could be worse. This weekend I am going to quit talking about dragging the Mobility Scooter out of the POD and putting it on Craigslist and actually DO IT.  It should sell for $500 but I will take $400.  It cost $800 in 2007 and its hardly been used at all.  Hopefully it sells quickly.  I need $300 to turn the heat on and out of the paycheck that I got today... $175 is left for the next 2 wks...and I have some other bills I have to try to make some small payments on. Every day I come home to messages on the VM of people wanting money.

I keep thinking I need to get a 2nd job. Something on the weekend.  But when I think of it, I just about break down in tears.  I honestly don't think I could handle it.  I often spend most of the weekend in bed.  My body insists.  I do paperwork, computer stuff, read - I am not sleeping, but my body just wants to be in the prone position with heat on it.  It is how I get through the week.  But then I think of how stressed I am (my stomach is in total knots today) and think, "How can I NOT do what I need to do to get us back on track?"  I see no light at the end of the tunnel financially.  If I can't afford to pay a $1200 mortgage, I can't afford to go rent a 3 bedroom apartment somewhere. That is what they cost, if not more.

Then the whole Japan disaster has got my mind just tweaked.  It is SO awful and heartbreaking. I watched the news until 1 A.M. and then watched for about 30 min this A.M.  I watched a tsunami LIVE as it hit last night.  Not something I want to watch again. Haiti, New Zealand, Japan.  It just feels like the big, devastating one is close to hitting here.  I've never had the emergency 3 day back pack like we've been told to have but now I am feeling quite compelled to create one.  Makes my stomach more in knots.

I have almost vomited this morning from the stress.  I am so nauseous. I have taken a couple of my stomach pills to try to prevent it.  I keep praying to God and to Mo's daddy John.  Call me weird.  I sort of have a problem with God so I feel more comfortable talking to John.  I usually hold one of the pennies that I am sure he left me. I prayed to him with all my heart and tears streaming down my face about Scooter.  It is a complete and utter MIRACLE that Scooter survived.  Someone had to be watching out for him.  In AA you are to believe in a "Higher Power", what ever you want to call it so I have often chosen other "things/beings" than "God".  Since I have had so many signs from John, he is it, at least for now. 

I feel like I am totally rambling now so I am going to stop.

Friday, March 4, 2011


I was going to come write about America's Got Talent when I had time but first I have to come write that miracles do happen!!!


Kallyn called me crying so hard I couldn't understand her.  She said "Guess what just happened?  My heart dropped into my stomach.  What now?  She said "Scooter's home."  Then I almost fainted. I guess he just walked into the house meowing like crazy. He went to town on food.  He has lost a lot of weight but otherwise looks fine. I WANT TO GO HOME AND SEE HIM!!!!

Mo got her "sign" by getting a new job.  Maybe getting Scooter back is my "sign".  Or Kallyn's.  She has REALLY been grieving.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

If I ask "How much can 1 person take?"

Is that just daring the Gods to throw more on me?  Because I seriously cannot take much more.   My head is about to explode... Kallyn keeps saying she is worried about me because I have NO concentration or memory skills right now.  It is almost as bad as an ailing elderly person. (I don't know how to say that PCly) but it is all the stress.  I feel like there are rocks and sand in my head and on my shoulders...and that is WITH seriously the bestest friends in the whole world being there for me.  If I didn't have them, I am not sure I would still be here right now.

I can't talk about it all right here and now but I found out more news last night to weigh me down. Very hard to concentrate at work today. 

One happy thing - Jake had a job interview yesterday.  First one he's had in quite awhile.  I am in such a negative mood though, I can't even seem to hold any hope for it.  It is from 5pm-2:30am in Kent.  Not very desirable, but a JOB.  Maybe because it's not desirable, he'll get it.  He is supposed to hear by Friday about a 2nd interview.