Monday, April 16, 2012

What a lovely weekend

Loved the weather last weekend!! I had to work Friday til 8:30 and part of the day Saturday, but I still got to enjoy it some.  Got to go to the dump again... still got a few more trips, but it's getting there.  Got more yard work done (ok, my yard man did most of the yardwork... but I did help some!).  Last night I went with a couple friends to see a Van Halen tribute band.  They were totally awesome! 

Yesterday Kal texted that she was feeling horrible and that my mom thought she should go to the ER.  I told her not the ER but Urgent Care.  She said she couldn't drive.  I told her that I was on my way to the dump but I would be happy to take her when I got back if her dad or gma hadn't or wouldn't take her before.  She said she didn't want to be a burden.  I told her she wasn't a burden, she was my daughter.  She said "ok, what time?"  I felt a little joy.  Not that she was sick, but that she wanted her mommy.  Both Jake and my mom were home and easily would have taken her right then, but she was willing to wait an hour so her mom could take her. 

She looked like death warmed over and is being treated for a sinus infection and given an inhaler.  Since she already has stomach issues, the mucus is what's causing her to puke. When I dropped her off I told her I love her, like I always do and for the first time since she moved out, she told me she loved me too.  That made my heart smile big.

Today is Kars "guy of interest" birthday.  He is coming to dinner and so is Kal.  When I told her about it yesterday, she said she wanted to come.  THAT made me happy.  In texting with her a little earlier, she said "I hate to ask but is Craig going to be there?" AAAHHH, I was so excited about her coming, I didn't even think about that.  No, I don't think he planned to come over and it's easy enough to make sure he doesn't - I just HATE that she won't even try to be around him and that I HAVE to think about it and plan around it.  It makes my heart hurt.  I want the 4 of us to do stuff together.  I am so excited to have her over for dinner though!! <3

Thursday, April 12, 2012

I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!!

I think I'm back.  I'm kind of scared to blog because of everything that went on at the end of last year and earlier this year.  I quit blogging because of it but all of a sudden today I really missed it.  I don't know if anyone even really read it, felt like I was talking to myself most of the time, but sometimes it's nice to just put down what I'm thinking.

I am not going to talk about K much but I can't really talk about MY life without mentioning her a little. As you know, she moved out in mid-February.  She is still gone and plans to continue to do so.  I really thought after a couple weeks she might come home, but it doesn't look like that will happen.  It seems like we go 1 step forward, 2 steps back.  She still has a lot of anger towards me and I just don't understand it. She thinks it doesn't bother me that she's gone but of course it does.  It cuts me like a knife in the heart that we are estranged like we are. 

That is all I am going to say on that subject.

Karli is playing softball and her team is doing really well!  They are a Sophmore team and playing in the HS team now so have played a couple teams that are mostly Seniors and CREAMED one of them.
She has really improved this year in all areas.  She made an impossible catch in the outfield on Monday. She is doing well in HS and she has rekindled an old romance with a boy that the whole family loves.

And then there is me. I really like working at the pizza place. It is doing something active and social.  My hours vary from 7-12 hrs (that's the most so far) but may increase.  We had talked about 16 when I was hired.  He's taking it slow for business reasons and to make sure I can handle two jobs. I LOVE Pete.  I am hating my other job.  Having quite a few resentments towards my boss right now. I need to give myself an attidute adjustment because getting a different job, at least for this year just really isn't possible.

I was amazed by the amount of my tax refund and for the first time in at least 2 years - I GOT CAUGHT UP ON MY MORTGAGE!  I paid April early and will pay May on time.  Then I'm screwed because my modification is over and my payments go back up $250 a month.  I was about to file bankruptcy and then got my check so I have put it off.  I really have to decide to do it or not so I can file for divorce.  Because even though I pretty much consider myself divorced, I guess others do not. Having that closure would be nice. 

Have any of my friends been by my house in the last week?  If so, you will have noticed an AWESOMELY AMAZING difference to my front and side yard and the back yard is just as amazing. It hasn't looked this good in several years.  My BF has spent many many hours mowing, weeding, raking, scrubbing etc... he's taken 3 trips to the dump and has collected another pile to go.  He is like the energizer bunny when he gets started and just doesn't stop until it's dark.  Even then... he's been burning a lot of what pine needles & pine branches so he's kept at it at night too. He says he wants to do it - it's nice to see a project from start to finish and feel accomplished.  <3

There is so much waste it makes me sick. There was so much sickness in my house before and I think I was kinda dead inside and just couldn't do more than I was doing.  Outside just didn't matter and so I was no help out there either.  We had to remodel the bathroom (completely gutted it) because the drywall started getting moldy because we didn't have a fan.  We redid the bathroom and bought a cool fan with a heating lamp to put in the ceiling.  Did that ever get put in?? Big fat nope.  That was Aug 2006. The fan sat outside and is ruined.  $60 going to the dump. The tile never got done either.  I will take blame for that though because I keep saying I'm going to do it and I chicken out.  We spent $60 on some little outdoor lights to line the walk to our steps since they are hard to see.  He was always going to do that "later".  Going to the dump.  So much stuff like that. *sigh*  But it is now done and over. :-)

In that area of my life I am very happy right now.  He makes me happy.  He makes me laugh.  He rarely sits still and is always tinkering with something.  That is contagious.

My eldest hates him and my youngest likes him. If only everything was right with my eldest, then all would be right with my world. But I keep truckin along, doing the best I can.