tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43567085621356017462024-03-13T15:28:52.381-07:00DeeJays Doodles, Rants & RavesDemeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.comBlogger167125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-52233040611820334102012-06-12T12:53:00.002-07:002012-06-12T12:53:15.173-07:00NervousUs 3 girls are going to our first "family" counseling session today at 2. I am very nervous. I think today will just be a background - get to know her sort of thing, but I still think it will be stressful. <br />
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Kar doesn't talk cuz she doesn't want to upset her sister but she agreed to go so she's going to have to talk. <br />
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Things go SO up and down. Good for a day or two and then I'm always the bad guy and ruin it all. *sigh* <br />
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My mother seems to have turned even more on the mad side. She's moved into a mobile home and Jake is moving in with Kal. That means I can move his stuff out of the house and make it even more mine. <br />
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Remodeling the rooms have been fun and C is a wiz at getting materials from people, stain and paint for free, it's really not costing anything - it's time and sweat. He's done SO SO much work, I just can't believe it. <br />
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That's all I have. I leave work in a half hour to go to counseling and my stomach's in knots. Wish us luck.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-45304869675488748712012-05-16T11:47:00.001-07:002012-05-16T11:47:53.286-07:00UpsetI am going to a cousins wedding on Sunday and I just found out my sister wasn't invited. Now, I don't know if it was an oversight or on purpose. My mom claims it was on purpose but one can't always believe what my mom says. I would like to give my cousin the benefit of the doubt. She is a very family oriented person. When she found out that much of the family wasn't invited to her brothers wedding she called them up and gave them earful and made them invite the family. <br />
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Yes, my sister is develpmentally disabled. Yes, she isn't attractive and neither is her husband. They are both a little weird and quirky, BUT they are family. Her feelings were hurt but she moved recently and she thinks my cousin must have just not had her address. <br />
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I am tempted to ask my cousin. And normally probably would.... except there has already been an issue that I caused (well, I didn't necessarily cause, but was in the middle of) for her wedding so I don't want to cause her any more greif. But ... I don't know.... if she didn't invite my sister on purpse, I almost don't want to go to the wedding... <br />
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Life is SO hard right now. I am greiving over something, incredibly stress over something and so very happy about something else. All of those emotions are wreaking havoc on my body. Pretty bad Fibro flare up and a horrible tension headache that keeps triggering a migraine. I hate it when I have a headache cycle like this. It is VERY hard to break it. *sigh*Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-41962847414563772972012-05-15T10:26:00.001-07:002012-05-15T10:26:11.776-07:00Tile!!When I got back from Kar's SB game last night (Which they won 31-13!!), there sitting on the porch was tile and all the stuff that is needed to tile a bathroom!!! <br />
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A few weeks ago C had told me that if I picked out different tile that he would do it. The stuff that I had picked out 5 years ago (yes, it's been that long since the bathroom remodel) is a very difficult tile - each 12x12 tile is really made up of 9 3x3 tiles that are hooked together. Makes laying it down and grouting a lot harder....which is why I haven't attempted it myself. So I picked out a plain tannish tile - the cheapest thing that the large chain store had. I told him I couldn't afford to do it for awhile though. <br />
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So last night I come home to everything needed sitting there. He says it needs to be done before the plywood is all ruined and needs to come up.... so he's just going to do it. <br />
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I just gott new tires on my truck last week, because safety is important; and now a tiled bathroom - probably on Thursday. Feeling very lucky and grateful right now. (Which I already do every time I look out at my yard!)Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-89372543873543719952012-05-14T13:20:00.001-07:002012-05-14T13:20:18.331-07:00Lots going onIt's been almost a month since I've posted. <br />
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A lot has been going on and I just can't blog about most of it... can't put it out on the web for people to see. Let's just say that at the moment a little piece of me has died. <br />
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On a happy note - Kar's SB team is in the playoffs! They play a game tonight and it they win, the championship game is Wednesday night. Unfortunately I work at pizza and won't be able to see it. <br />
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It really bums me out, but at the moment I need all the $ I can get... and it's my fault for procrastinationg filing bankruptcy and now I have a garnishment on my check and 42% of my next couple of checks is being taken. Oh, it's 25% of gross... but it ends up being 42% of my next. If I get my bankruptcy filed, I might be able to get it stopped. I've worked on the paperwork, but it literally makes me sick while I'm working on it and with the other issue I've got going on, it is just SO hard. But I am finally working on it. <br />
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Going home early today with a migraine. Kar stayed home with a migraine. Stress is a horrible thing for the body. I have a Fibro flare up going on too. But enough complaining. :-) Just trying to live life on life's terms the best that I can, one day at a time.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-35173204264103957782012-04-16T15:53:00.000-07:002012-04-16T15:53:57.499-07:00What a lovely weekendLoved the weather last weekend!! I had to work Friday til 8:30 and part of the day Saturday, but I still got to enjoy it some. Got to go to the dump again... still got a few more trips, but it's getting there. Got more yard work done (ok, my yard man did most of the yardwork... but I did help some!). Last night I went with a couple friends to see a Van Halen tribute band. They were totally awesome! <br />
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Yesterday Kal texted that she was feeling horrible and that my mom thought she should go to the ER. I told her not the ER but Urgent Care. She said she couldn't drive. I told her that I was on my way to the dump but I would be happy to take her when I got back if her dad or gma hadn't or wouldn't take her before. She said she didn't want to be a burden. I told her she wasn't a burden, she was my daughter. She said "ok, what time?" I felt a little joy. Not that she was sick, but that she wanted her mommy. Both Jake and my mom were home and easily would have taken her right then, but she was willing to wait an hour so her mom could take her. <br />
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She looked like death warmed over and is being treated for a sinus infection and given an inhaler. Since she already has stomach issues, the mucus is what's causing her to puke. When I dropped her off I told her I love her, like I always do and for the first time since she moved out, she told me she loved me too. That made my heart smile big. <br />
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Today is Kars "guy of interest" birthday. He is coming to dinner and so is Kal. When I told her about it yesterday, she said she wanted to come. THAT made me happy. In texting with her a little earlier, she said "I hate to ask but is Craig going to be there?" AAAHHH, I was so excited about her coming, I didn't even think about that. No, I don't think he planned to come over and it's easy enough to make sure he doesn't - I just HATE that she won't even try to be around him and that I HAVE to think about it and plan around it. It makes my heart hurt. I want the 4 of us to do stuff together. I am so excited to have her over for dinner though!! <3Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-12845087524625875652012-04-12T12:17:00.000-07:002012-04-12T12:17:32.592-07:00I'm baaaaaaaaaack!!!I think I'm back. I'm kind of scared to blog because of everything that went on at the end of last year and earlier this year. I quit blogging because of it but all of a sudden today I really missed it. I don't know if anyone even really read it, felt like I was talking to myself most of the time, but sometimes it's nice to just put down what I'm thinking. <br />
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I am not going to talk about K much but I can't really talk about MY life without mentioning her a little. As you know, she moved out in mid-February. She is still gone and plans to continue to do so. I really thought after a couple weeks she might come home, but it doesn't look like that will happen. It seems like we go 1 step forward, 2 steps back. She still has a lot of anger towards me and I just don't understand it. She thinks it doesn't bother me that she's gone but of course it does. It cuts me like a knife in the heart that we are estranged like we are. <br />
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That is all I am going to say on that subject. <br />
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Karli is playing softball and her team is doing really well! They are a Sophmore team and playing in the HS team now so have played a couple teams that are mostly Seniors and CREAMED one of them.<br />
She has really improved this year in all areas. She made an impossible catch in the outfield on Monday. She is doing well in HS and she has rekindled an old romance with a boy that the whole family loves. <br />
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And then there is me. I really like working at the pizza place. It is doing something active and social. My hours vary from 7-12 hrs (that's the most so far) but may increase. We had talked about 16 when I was hired. He's taking it slow for business reasons and to make sure I can handle two jobs. I LOVE Pete. I am hating my other job. Having quite a few resentments towards my boss right now. I need to give myself an attidute adjustment because getting a different job, at least for this year just really isn't possible. <br />
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I was amazed by the amount of my tax refund and for the first time in at least 2 years - I GOT CAUGHT UP ON MY MORTGAGE! I paid April early and will pay May on time. Then I'm screwed because my modification is over and my payments go back up $250 a month. I was about to file bankruptcy and then got my check so I have put it off. I really have to decide to do it or not so I can file for divorce. Because even though I pretty much consider myself divorced, I guess others do not. Having that closure would be nice. <br />
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Have any of my friends been by my house in the last week? If so, you will have noticed an AWESOMELY AMAZING difference to my front and side yard and the back yard is just as amazing. It hasn't looked this good in several years. My BF has spent many many hours mowing, weeding, raking, scrubbing etc... he's taken 3 trips to the dump and has collected another pile to go. He is like the energizer bunny when he gets started and just doesn't stop until it's dark. Even then... he's been burning a lot of what pine needles & pine branches so he's kept at it at night too. He says he wants to do it - it's nice to see a project from start to finish and feel accomplished. <3<br />
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There is so much waste it makes me sick. There was so much sickness in my house before and I think I was kinda dead inside and just couldn't do more than I was doing. Outside just didn't matter and so I was no help out there either. We had to remodel the bathroom (completely gutted it) because the drywall started getting moldy because we didn't have a fan. We redid the bathroom and bought a cool fan with a heating lamp to put in the ceiling. Did that ever get put in?? Big fat nope. That was Aug 2006. The fan sat outside and is ruined. $60 going to the dump. The tile never got done either. I will take blame for that though because I keep saying I'm going to do it and I chicken out. We spent $60 on some little outdoor lights to line the walk to our steps since they are hard to see. He was always going to do that "later". Going to the dump. So much stuff like that. *sigh* But it is now done and over. :-)<br />
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In that area of my life I am very happy right now. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh. He rarely sits still and is always tinkering with something. That is contagious.<br />
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My eldest hates him and my youngest likes him. If only everything was right with my eldest, then all would be right with my world. But I keep truckin along, doing the best I can.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-27684079989010610312012-02-16T12:38:00.000-08:002012-02-16T12:38:11.617-08:00I'm still hereNot doing great. Either is Karli, but we are coping. I'm having difficulty doing the things I'm supposed to be doing paperwork wise. It's just SO overwhelming. I just missed 3 days of work, I feel like crap physically, emotionally and spiritually. Up and down. So hard to explain so I'm just staying away. Sometimes you have to force a smile on your face and "fake it til you make it" so that's what I'm trying to do to the best of my ability.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-33759488778587642932012-02-10T11:07:00.001-08:002012-02-10T11:07:24.077-08:00I love my friends!They are the sisters of my heart <3Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-43286070195976037652012-02-09T10:09:00.000-08:002012-02-09T10:09:46.390-08:00Sat in her partially packed up roomthis morning and lost it. I would lose it even if she were moving out on good terms but the fact that she's only talked to me twice since Monday and pieces of her childhood room are getting packed up without my help and I don't get to share in any joy in the adventure of moving out is just breaking my heart. <br />
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Thank you Shana. It is nice that someone said words of support. Even just saying hugs helps me not feel so alone.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-72954311533190037632012-02-08T11:21:00.000-08:002012-02-08T11:21:59.075-08:00Moving outI don't even know what happened. She won't talk to me. I really don't know what I did so wrong. She hates me. Disowned me. Going to live with my mom. I've been defriended from FB but I hear she's calling our house a "hellhole". <br />
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I know that many kids & parents go through something like this. I really think she is acting out of emotions that she doesn't quite understand and I think it has a lot to do with the divorce. I believe it is temporary and that we will get through this. I keep telling her I love her. I will always love her. <br />
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BUT that does not make it hurt any less. It doesn't mean that my heart isn't being ripped at the seams. It doesn't mean that the terribly horrible things she called me and said to me didn't cut... both me and Karli, who over heard it all and stayed home from school the next day. <br />
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Her moving out and getting away, even if it's for a little bit, is probably a good thing. A chance for her to grow some. A chance for us both to step back and look at things. <br />
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I love you with all my heart and soul Kallyn Mackenzie Jacobson.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-51293786038250999602012-01-31T10:34:00.000-08:002012-01-31T10:34:22.694-08:00TuesdayMy favorite saying that I keep repeating to myself is "It is what it is" I don't know if I can even explain what it means to me. Sort of like, don't have expectations. Whatever happens, happens. It just seems to help me stay focused on here and now and not future tripping. <br />
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I had a good weekend with my girls (despite the fact I had a horrible cold/cough and thought I was going to die) and a good night last night with a friend. ") I start a new PT job on Thursday, a friend is coming to town for a week Thursday night and I get to celebrate Bobbie's birthday Saturday with Platinum Spandex. Saturday to Saturday seems like a pretty good week!Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-49188419409281239112012-01-27T15:26:00.000-08:002012-01-27T15:26:38.794-08:00Did you know...<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>IT's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! </strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia;">and</span></strong><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia; font-size: x-large;"><strong>I'M GOING DANCING!!!!!!</strong></span><br />
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<strong><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia;">I haven't been to "my place" yet this year. I've been dancing 2x (maybe 3) but not at the place that I feel most comfy at. I was going so much there for awhile then the Afro's had to go and leave "( I've heard the band that replaced them is ok, but the place is dead. I have a cold and feel like crap, but that's not gonna stop me. That is why cold medicine was invented. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">I got my schedule for my first week of training. Are you ready for this back breaking schedule?? hold on to your panties....</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">Thur 5:30-7:30 pm</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">Fri 5:30-7:30 pm</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">I'm purty sure I can handle that. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">Next Saturday is Platinum Spandex at Big Daddy's and I'm even MORE excited about that than I am about tonight. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">And I should be getting money from my 401k loan in a week or so. This year I opted to take less out of my check for the FSA so that I would have more of a paycheck. $125 a check instead of $200... the loan starts being deducted in Mar and it is $56 so it won't really have an impact on me too much. Not when my mental state will be a little better from having gotten caught up and taking care of other business... and when the mental state is better, the body is better. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Georgia;">That's really all I have for now. Just a tad excited for dancing. It helped my mood SO MUCH last Friday, just thinking about how good I felt has helped whenever I've gotten sad this week. I need another hit to keep me going through next week. </span></strong>Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-28380620956276989382012-01-25T12:55:00.000-08:002012-01-25T21:24:56.606-08:00HUMP DAYFeeling a little blue today. I'm no longer seeing a person that I've sorta been seeing the last couple weeks and was hoping to progress into a full blown relationship with. I totally and completely understand the reasoning why. It is for the best. BUT that doesn't make it any less hard, especially when I'd kinda fallen hard & fast for him. The head can know things, but the heart can still hurt. <br />
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But I'm going to be working more anyways. It's probably best I just focus on work and my kids and making sure my life is on track and get my house in order and forget men for awhile. I've made some guy friends that I talk to/text with and see dancing and that's all they are - friends - and I really like that. They can do for now. I always had guy friends growing up (girls have sooo much drama) but you don't usually have a lot of guy friends when you're married. You don't need them - you have YOUR guy. And having guy friends makes me feel safer as a single female, there is someone watching my back that I can call if needed. <br />
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I talked to the Dr about me working more because I've had a couple people say they are concerned about my health if I do so. She seem to think it might be a good thing. She thought I seemed excited enough about it and it will be a good social outlet, especially since it is in my community that I love (helps depression) and it is some exercise and my main job is not stressful or taxing on the body. She said if it seems to be too much to just work less hours (which is a possibility). She's also not concerned about my weight, even though I've lost more, because my blood work was so excellent. She said if I wanted to gain more weight to eat Peanut Butter because it has protein and good fats in it. I just feel a little too anorexic and would like to gain 5 pounds.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-51498745043565089642012-01-22T20:56:00.000-08:002012-01-22T20:56:58.964-08:00Could things be looking up?I turned in the paper work for the 401k loan Friday. Now I'm stuck working where I'm at for the next 3 years or I have a balloon payment when I leave. But I am getting enough to get almost caught up on mortgage and to file bankruptcy. <br />
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While we were all stuck in the snow I managed to apply for a job at a local, very community oriented pizza place. They have just a carry out/delivery place now but are opening a sit down place in March that will serve wine & beer. His staff now is pretty much all HS kids. He is in need of some people over 21 to be able to pour the alcohol. I stopped in to pick up pizza during the snow & filled out an app & talked to him. He called me next day to set up an interview. I had the interview on Saturday and he offered me the job right there, which he said he doesn't usually do. I will prob work 2 evenings from 6-10 and Sat or Sun for 8 hrs. Hopefully by the grace of god my body will be up to it. I am actually looking forward to it so I think that will help with the adjustment and by the time I'm bored with it, my body should be used to it... right? I don't see people at my work...I get so lonely (that's why I'm on FB so much - to have human contact in way) and I love working with people so I am actually looking forward to working with the public and it's right in my backyard so I should know a lot of the people that come in. I will be working mostly with teenagers and I do well with them. I might start training next week. Pete told me that in the next 3 weeks I was going to make an awful lot of pizzas. ") I won't be doing that at the new store, but he has everyone learn how to do everything - which I LOVE. <br />
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He is totally flexible on scheduling so I told him that I wanted Friday or Saturday night free. I have to have some time to go DANCING!!! Hopefully I will have the energy to do it. <br />
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We had plans to go to Tulalip Thursday night, which got cancelled due to weather and the same group of people were going Friday. I had told them I couldn't go because I wasn't going to go 2 nights in a row. All day Friday I was trying to decide. Tulalip just seemed SO FAR and I would be going by myself. <br />
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I should back up and say that I've been going to meetings lately. Since a Xmas party I went to in Dec that was all AA and NA people, I've been hanging out w/the hostess A LOT (pretty much lived there during snow storm) and getting to know her friends. I'm not going to mtgs because I feel like drinking/using but because they really help with living life on life's terms. I feel like I need the emotional, mental and spiritual help right now and meetings cost $1, much cheaper than therapy. I think pretty much everyone would benefit from going through the 12 steps. Like the mtg we went to on Thurs, the topic was basically "making mountains out of molehills" and other one was "just for today". <br />
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Anyways, Fri I decided to go to a 7:30 meeting and see how I felt afterwards. The band started at 9:30 but people were getting there at 7:30. In my head I think I already decided I wasn't going. I was sort of in a bad mental space. I have something else going on that I've been letting mind f#ck me (men...sigh...). Anways, I went to meeting. Came home and climbed in to my bed (still clothed) with my laptop, at about 9 and decided I was staying home. My mind started going off again about this "thing" and at 9:20 I climbed out of bed and changed my shirt and put on my dancing boots and out the door I went. I have never been to Tulalip before. I walked into the bar and was trying to find my group and Andy (not w/my group, but someone I know) saw me and grabbed me to the dance floor. Andy is the greatest thing EVER for my ego. He's the one I was so proud of myself for dancing with a few months ago because he's so outrageous and I went out of my comfort zone to dance with him. Now I can't get enough dancing with him. I don't like him or anything. no no no. He's just a great dancer and at least once he will dip me really low and then pick me way up and spin me around. Very attention getting and very unlike me. I wish you all could see it. Within 2 minutes of being there and dancing, my mood had gone from 0-100 and I was SO incredibly glad I had come. So much happier. OMG, I LOVE dancing!!!! <br />
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Then I was "made" to play the slots afterwards. My friends had a coupon that if you had $20, you'd get a voucher for $30 to play the slots. Someone lent me their 20 and then we cashed in the voucher so that I could have the $10 in free money to play with. Cool, huh? I came home with $5!.... a little after 4 am and I'd had coffee in order to make it home so I was awake until about 6. If my body was left to keep it's own schedule, it would stay up until 2 or 3 am and get up at 8:30-9. So, after a week of snow and mixed up schedules, it just sort of reverts that way really easilty. I wonder if that's why I get insomnia so much too. <br />
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Well... that's all I gots for now. Typed way more than I meant to.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-83782673319484479092012-01-13T12:36:00.000-08:002012-01-13T12:36:34.169-08:00It doesn't help your moodWhen the mail comes and there's mail for your boss from a collections agency telling them to garnish your wages. <br />
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#$^%$# I need to file bankruptcy. All week I've tried to get up the courage to ask my boss if he'd give me an advance/loan and let me take an extra $50 a check out to pay it back. I guess this paperwork is a good conversation starter. I'm supposed to pay mortgage this week but I can't for 2 wks cuz I have to pay car insurance. The cable/internet has been out all week and the girls are going crazy. I also have to pay the phone bill today or they are going to cut us off. That is like our last life line so I can't do that. Between insurnce and phone, that's half my check. Maybe I'm down because I just don't see any way out of this.... <br />
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WAIT. (as I try to dry the tears off). Today is Friday the 13th and historically that is a good luck day for me. So perhaps the boss will give me that front AND as I type Jake is at an interview for a job that he does not want, but is supposed to be at a place that is hiring everyone and anyone at the moment. $16/hr and they pay weekly. His daughter gave him a lecture that he better do his best and if he didn't get the job he better take a hard look at himself. (she's the one that set it up for him)<br />
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Going to go curl up in a ball on the couch for lunch now. I was hungry but I lost my appetite. I seriously feel like I need to gain about 5 lbs. I bought food yesterday with the intention of eating healthy AND trying to gain weight at the same time.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-79211384053521872402012-01-13T12:15:00.000-08:002012-01-13T12:15:10.942-08:00FridayAgain a lot of time has passed since I blogged. I almost blogged... Monday, I think... sometime when I was all happy and had happy things to post and now I don't even remember what they were. Been in a downer mood the last couple of days. I have a lot of mental stuff going on in my head and trying to process it all... it often just confuses the hell out of me more and that depresses me and then I'm in a cycle. I haven't been dancing in two weeks but I am going tonight, maybe that will help unclog things. It is at a place I've never been before aka outside of my comfort zone. I want my Big Daddy's. (Lord that sounds bad huh?)Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-5871866099263295962012-01-03T19:08:00.000-08:002012-01-03T19:08:08.650-08:00New YearIt is the new year and I have not blogged for awhile. Doing lots of stuff but haven't had it in me to blog.<br />
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I went to dinner with a friend last Wednesday. He was visiting from out of state. We worked together for 5 years (98-03) and actually went to HS together before that. (small world)<br />
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Thur was the last night of the disco band playing at "my place" every Thursday. Now they are playing at a casino about 30-45 away and I will probably go about once a month. I am STILL waiting for my place to put out the January calendar. It is quite odd that it's not out yet, so not sure what is in store for this Thursday. KJ and I were thinking of going and checking it out. They used to have 3 different drinks for $3 and now they are supposed to have 21 for $3. But I could care less abou that! I wanna know about the music!<br />
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I was so excited for Friday to finally come because Mo was going to GO OUT! Martha and I went to get a table at 7 because I wanted a table in front (and there's just 2) and when we got there, there were people at 1 and a reserved sign on the other. I told the hostess that I was hoping to get one of those and she actually moved the reserved sign to another table!! Mo and Deb came about 8:20 and then the band people started trickling in. I thought they were supposed to play at 9. 9 came & went. The bassist came in at 9:15 with all his gear and STARTED TALKING TO PEOPLE AT TABLES. Okaaay. They must play at 9:30. 9:30 came and went. At like 9:45 someone from the place told them they needed to start playing. They went over and started doing sound check stuff and tuning equipment!! At 10 they started to play and had major feedback that took a few minutes to sort out. Meanwhile Mo looks like she is ready to fall asleep and ready to bolt at the same time. I was SO MAD! I finally got her out and this is the impression she was getting. Her deal was to stay for one set, which should have been over about 10. She was a trooper and stayed until after 11. But I know she won't be coming back out "( <br />
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And I'm very disappointed in Deb!! She said she would dance around the table and she refused to get out of her seat. A song came on that everyone said "You can't dance to this song" and Deb said "I can dance to this, this is a great song to dance to" So I tried to get her up. I was willing to dance to a song I couldn't dance to for her, but noooooo. I danced with this very cute college kid. He had these bright red shoes on and he had some MOOOVES. <br />
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New Years Eve was perfect. I really have no desire to go out and be amongst all the drunk & disorderly people on NYE. Kallyn and I went out to dinner and then watched shows on DVR and the Space Needle count down. Jake had this idea come to him and brought over 2 votive candles for each of us. He had written 2011 on one and 2012 on the other. He wanted us to light the 2011 and then throw it out. Then in 2012 light the other one to light the way for the new year. I came up with an even better idea. I had a couple of the display fireworks. We lit the candle and then used it to light the firework so that 2012 started off with a BANG!<br />
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I had nice day on the 1st visiting with same out of town friend and someone else I went to HS with but haven't seen since then and his wife. Went to lunch and watched the game. <br />
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Monday I didn't get out of bed until noon!!! and then when I did, I got stuff done! Nice combo day. <br />
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Today at work it was Monday & Tuesday all rolled into one. I'm so excited that tomorrow is Wednesday already!Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-23619343467251313482011-12-22T17:22:00.000-08:002011-12-22T17:22:55.765-08:00IT'S THURSDAY!!!!Everybody, get on the floor and let's dance<br />
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Don't fight your feelings, give yourself a chance<br />
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake<br />
Shake your booty<br />
Shake your booty<br />
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Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake<br />
Shake your booty<br />
Shake your booty<br />
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Oh, You can, you can do it very well<br />
You're the best in the world, I can tell<br />
Oh, Shake shake shake, shake shake shake<br />
Shake your booty<br />
Shake your booty<br />
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Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake<br />
Shake your booty<br />
Shake your booty<br />
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Karli got her nose pierced last night. It bled a lot and I thought I was going to pass out. She was gripping my hand so tight that I had deep fingernail indentations in my hand. She loves it. <br />
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Kallyn came to file today and I kept smelling something good. I thought it smelled like shampoo and I went to smell her hair to see. I got right up to her hair and ZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP we both got shocked horribly! There were sparks!! My nose felt like it got pierced and she thought her hair caught on fire. We both were almost on the floor in laughter. My boss had to open up his little french fry window to see what the hell was going on. <br />
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Going to dance soon!!!Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-65832980314950691002011-12-21T10:51:00.000-08:002011-12-21T10:51:50.245-08:00Hey doing good!I'm sort of afraid to say that and jinx it. I believe in jinxing. <br />
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I had such a good weekend (it really started on Thursday and kept going through Sunday). I closed down Big Daddy's 3 nights in a row. Whew! I love love the security guy (Shawn) there. Love to give him crap. ") He had to almost pick me and a friend up and throw us out on Thur & Sat. he he. I wish he had done that to this drunk girl I was giving a ride home to on Friday night. Boy, it was like trying to herd....herd...I don't know something REALLY difficult to herd, to get her out the door. When I saw Shawn Sat. night he told me next time he'd pick her up and carry her out the door for me. I asked him if he'd come with me to take her home so he could pick her up out of the truck too! We sat in her driveway for 45 minutes before she quit talking and got out!! <br />
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Here is who I saw Friday night - this is Mikey Spandex from Platinum Spandex. He is a main reason I like to come!! Yes, he is married (and has a daughter that plays softball on a rival team of my daughters!) but looking doesn't hurt... right? <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2lV8drkLf7-yhircRkhRZqQfwm4ADLuTISx0gLc8xRa8ObFJjP5jtcQLzARoEJrd2ViSVVKqYx6GgmGkqUygnKqfk2WrxQThmndyCNMYPizm7ODbjmrU08Vb_XPXYS1x1IZd07Vu-yGs/s1600/Demery+and+Mikey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2lV8drkLf7-yhircRkhRZqQfwm4ADLuTISx0gLc8xRa8ObFJjP5jtcQLzARoEJrd2ViSVVKqYx6GgmGkqUygnKqfk2WrxQThmndyCNMYPizm7ODbjmrU08Vb_XPXYS1x1IZd07Vu-yGs/s320/Demery+and+Mikey.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with 26 people there. 1 person I knew really well and there were 3 people I knew somewhat and 3 were acquaintances and the other people I'd pretty much never seen before. It started at 7 and the person I knew really well wasnt going to be there til 8. I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. (BIG deal for me! but I'm working on stretching that comfort zone and branching out ya know) so I went and had fun and met new people and laughed really hard and got a text from my good friend that she was going to be later (she got there at 10:30). She and I left at 12:30 and weren't quite ready to go home. The bands play til 1:00 at Big Daddy's so we decided to run there. I've wanted to see the band that was playing for awhile so I got to see a couple songs. They are a 10 person band with trumpets and saxaphones & such - very cool! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoGuMb9efky47r8xwUBj3VXNKv1mVcafgYEkXSvH2SyQbrQpqX6OjkuKpBn997OXbP0WcwpKqj8_0X7gAsjviPeDuLD16o51A2zCmtzlx-AqHazJYXOAHZv9IwVJGwnNru-kcd1DKS6Jw/s1600/Group+photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoGuMb9efky47r8xwUBj3VXNKv1mVcafgYEkXSvH2SyQbrQpqX6OjkuKpBn997OXbP0WcwpKqj8_0X7gAsjviPeDuLD16o51A2zCmtzlx-AqHazJYXOAHZv9IwVJGwnNru-kcd1DKS6Jw/s320/Group+photo.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>From all of that I woke up Sunday in the Christmas Spirit. Finally! I woke up and put on my Santa Hat and naked Santa earrings and knee high Santa socks and Karli and I baked cookies and went shopping.<br />
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Yesterday I finished Christmas shopping. This year I bought less than I ever have. The girls each get one present and their stockings. It just breaks my heart. Karli tells me it's just fine; all she wants is her nose pierced. (ughh) (Now I just have to decided between paying the cable/internet bill or the cell phone bill.)<br />
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The good mood is still carrying on and it's Wednesday. Woohoo! I'm going to a Christmas dinner/gift exchange Thursday before the dancing and it sounds like a lot of people I know are going to be there Thursday, so LOTS of fun! I was invited to a Christmas party on Friday from a friend and I will not know ANYONE else there (besides my girls). More branching out. Saturday I celebrate Christmas with my siblings and step-mom and Sunday will be spent with my beautiful girls and Jake & Normi. I get Monday off, yay!! <br />
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Dang... better get back to work. Soooooo not in the mood.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-91022542437082814522011-12-16T15:41:00.000-08:002011-12-16T15:41:02.581-08:00Things to be thankful for1. At the moment, first and foremost, I am most grateful that I had a hysterectomy and do not get my periods because my emotions are so #$%$# wacky, I could not stand PMS on top of it right now!!! I just keep thinking thank god I can't get PMS! I am so up and down. Happy and heartbreakingly sad. <br />
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2. I have 3 beautiful children that I love with all my heart and soul. I really wish that Jason lived here so that I could see that smile of his more often. His grin and silliness always makes me laugh. <br />
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3. While my Mustang's transmission died and I have absolutely no money to fix it, I do have a truck to drive. Sure, it costs $40 more a month in insurance and only gets 10.7 mpg BUT IT IS A VEHICLE TO DRIVE. <br />
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4. I have a job. Thank the heavens. <br />
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5. I am two months behind in my mortgage and constantly worry about foreclosure, BUT I belong to a Credit Union not BANK OF UNAMERICA and they have been working with me for over a year and so I still have a roof over my head. I do, I do believe in miracles.<br />
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6. This Holiday season is really hard without my step-dad. He sort of WAS Christmas. My mom's anniversary is New Year's Eve so she really has a double whammy. But I was just reminded (sort of a little voice whispering in my ear...where DO those come from?) that he would HATE for us all to be sad and not enjoying Christmas. It would tear him up to see us all so unhappy. So I am going to try harder. *<span style="font-size: x-small;">damn it*</span><br />
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Yesterday was a day where I just couldn't seem to stop crying. My boss wasn't at work so I was free to do that. Dancing honestly helps boost those happy endorphins. Today I feel better. Not great, but better. The last few days I had thought I would stay home tonight but I saw some intriguing pictures today on the PS website that makes me want to go. And I found out that I would be alone tonight and I just don't want to be alone. Right now, being alone with myself, well the three of us - me, myself and I - are not a good combination. My mind starts going and I just get more emotional. When I am dancing I can't think. It is freedom from thinking and stress. A respite for the mind and body and some healing for the soul. <br />
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I need to try to finish shopping this weekend. I don't have very much to buy at. all. So it shouldn't be hard to accomplish. Tomorrow night I am going to Christmas party where I will know 4 people (1 person really well and 3 sorta) and not know 20 other people. I don't do real well in situations like that but that is part of the new me that is stretching my comfort zone. Stretching is how I know the host in the first place. Because after Geoff died, and I was sitting at Mukilteo Beach one day, a little voice whispered in my ear that life was too short, one never knew what was going to happen and I needed to LIVE IT while I could. Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-68960968685100529252011-12-15T13:59:00.000-08:002011-12-15T13:59:34.168-08:00Do you ever feelso filled with hopeless that you just feel like it's going to completely wash over you and pull you out into the ocean forever? <br />
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That's all I got in me right now.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-17199721836286031242011-12-14T10:19:00.000-08:002011-12-14T10:19:49.265-08:00Hump dayWell, it took two days, but I finally convinced Mo that she COULD. NOT. take Cheroo by herself. That she DID. NOT. NEED. TO. I loved Cheroo so much. I was as bonded to him as much as with my own kitties. He was the biggest love. You could pick him up and put him in your lap and he'd just lay there. He was a part of Mo's house. I know that she is mourning him greatly and the time of the year sucks. And I think when he got up to heaven, he found Dilbert and told him that he didn't like Fifi either! Mo, It was an honor to be there with you two in that heartbreaking, private time. I love you sister of my heart. <br />
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I got in my car to go to lunch yesterday, I had to go to the bank and I went to the auto store to buy Transmission fluid, then I was trying to decide what to do next and the owners manual said the car needed to be pretty warm before you checked the fluid. I got in my car with no idea really of where to drive to, and before I knew it I was at Mukilteo Beach. I went and sat on a log and cried my heart out. Prayed for Cheroo. Cried for my step-dad. This Christmas is really hard. I just can't get into the Christmas spirit. It isn't the same without him. I'm mad at my mom for a couple reasons and she's so upset and missing him, she said she's not doing anything for Christmas. I have no money and my kids won't tell me anything they want so that makes it even harder to buy for them. I don't want to spend what little money I have to buy them something just to be buying them something - I want to get them something they WANT. It just makes me so depressed. I cried for all that too. Then looking out over the calm water and burying my hands in the sand, calmed me down. It was too dang cold to put my feet in sand, but for some reason pouring the sand through my hands helped a little. It's like I need to connect with the earth. Isn't that weird? I know. I am weird. <br />
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THEN, Ok. I needed the transmission fluid checked in my car and a certain STBE (soon to be ex) had said for 3 days he would do it and hadn't (although one day he had to xl to go to an interview, so that was forgiven). I decided I would do it. You can find anything on the internet, so I looked up how you check it and I looked in the owners manual, and I did it myself and added some fluid to it. (it is harder than just adding oil). Unfortunatley, that is not the problem. *sigh* But the Mustang doesn't like to drive on ice (straight anyways, it has no problem driving sideways) so I am thinking I need to drive the STUPID truck for the next couple of months. The truck that costs $40 a month more to insure and gets 10.5 mpg instead of 18. BUT has 4 wheel drive. ughDemeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-18589064627403772952011-12-12T10:22:00.000-08:002011-12-12T10:22:27.677-08:00Weekend updateSo Saturday I was supposed to go to a Company party with a friend. I wasn't too excited about going somewhere with a bunch of strangers but I WAS excited to wear this dress that I bought at the Lincoln City Outlet Mall in July 2009 that still had the tags on it. I also thought we were going to some place fancy inSeattle. He was supposed to wear a suit. So dressing up... someplace nice in Seattle... that sounded like fun. Then the night before I found out it was in someone home. He texted me that the invite read "in our home, cocktails, buffet, dancing. Take shuttle from Shoreline college." I thought WTH?? I didn't want to go to someones house. AND what kind of house do you go to that you NEED TO TAKE A SHUTTLE? Ok, maybe it was a fancy house. It must be a big house if they were having dancing in the house, right? I guess I was intrigued. <br />
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I took a nap because I was tired and wanted to be rested and not have bags under my eyes. I showered. I SHAVED. I haven't worn a dress forever. I primped. I put on PANTYHOSE. I got a phone call about 10 minutes before I was to leave that he was cancelling on me. There were a couple reasons. One was he had to work late and had just gotten home so we were already going to be late. Two, he has a guy living in a motorhome on his lot next door and his power was out for some reason, so he had to try to figure out why before he could even shower. There was a Three that was the worst reason but I am not getting into that. <br />
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I wasn't just dressed, I took pains to get dressed. I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE DAMN IT!!! I had been invited to a Christmas party but I couln't go because of this holiday party that I had promised to go to. But I didn't have the lady's phone #, just her FB page. GRRRR. They planned to go to Big Daddy's after the party and had invited me to meet them their after my party so I had that to do but not until 9 and I wanted to go someplace NOW (it was 6). I texted a couple people and sat to cool off a little.<br />
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At 8 a friend invited me to a local tavern to play darts. I figured I could go watch. When I tried to play darts 20 yrs ago, I had trouble finding the dart board. I got there and she whispers to me "Im on a date" OMG, I asked why the hell she invited me then and she said it was actually his idea. She had read my text out loud and he was taking pity on me. Sheesh. And he insisted I play darts. We played 3 games. And I got 2 bulls-eyes. It was a lot of fun. <br />
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Then I went dancing and danced my little heart out. A guy I sort of like was completely ignoring me and was dancing with 3 girls the entire time so I got feelings hurt again and just danced my little heart out. I really like the ladies that were there, they were all so excited to see me. They are having a gift exchange dinner there in 2 wks and I was reminded 3 or 4 times to make sure I come. <br />
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So I really did end up having a fun time over all and I got so many compliments on my dress. I'm going to have to wear it again, just because. <br />
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Sunday I had no energy but did some puttering. I can't find my Christmas clothes and can.not. for the life of me think of where they might have gone. They have ALWAYS ALWAYS been put away in the same spot. The same for my Snowmen. I have a whole rubbermaid container of Snowmen stuff and I CANNOT FIND IT. It had been in the POD. Kar and I watched a DVR'd House marathon and made Christmas cards. It's the first time I've done something crafty in a year. It was quite enjoyable. I need to do it more often. <br />
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Now it's Monday and I'm not ready to face another week. blahhhhDemeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-36522641066654166892011-12-09T14:53:00.000-08:002011-12-09T14:53:53.877-08:00A little better todayI am $50 richer for doing nothing, but I guess I could have easily been $75 richer. Who knew? Our family has a sonicare system that holds 4 toothbrushes and we all used it at first and after awhile Jake was the only one that used it. This dealy was just a one brush thing. I can't believe just 1 would cost that much. When the guy finally showed up (he changed the time on me & I had to wait for an hour Grrr) he asked why I was selling it so cheap, he thought it might have been a scam at first because the cheapest he had seen one for was $75. I was mentally smacking myself upside my head. I didn't even look to see if other people were selling them and for how much. I'm trying to sell some damn dolls and I've researched the hell out of them. Geesh. BUT like I said, $50 more than I had. <br />
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And dancing was just what I needed to give me a little boost in my step and calm my mental anguish. I've made some friends there (the person I had been going with hasn't gone for the last month and I've gone by myself so I started sitting with this group of ladies) and I got invited to a Christmas party at one of there house's Saturday that I can't go to, but also got invited to a pre-dancing Christmas party gift exchange in 2 wks at Big Daddy's with them. It is just huge for shy introvert me to have ventured out in the last few months and made some new friends, to have stepped outside my comfort zone and pushed some limits. (I am not in ANY way trying to replace any of my current friends, no sir-ee!) I also got a major compliment.... he is a regular, but I've never danced with him before. He is quite handsome....if only he wasn't in his late 50's-early 60's, it would be better! lol! It still helps the ego to be told you are amazing. I also saw someone that is pretty much like an ex-brother in-law and his dancing cracks me up! It's disco music and he dances like it's rap. <br />
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I am going out with a friend tonight (actually the one that is like a sister and it's her exhubby that I saw last night) and then I am going with a friend to his Company Christmas party tomorrow night. I agreed to go mostly because it is a dressy event and I have this dress I have had for over a year (maybe 2) and never worn. It says cocktail attire, which calls for an above the knee dress, but I don't have any of those. This dress is below the knee and I don't care because I have been DYING to wear it. And it has no sleeves so I am going to freeze. I do not care.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4356708562135601746.post-51387389310466651852011-12-08T08:54:00.000-08:002011-12-08T08:54:26.805-08:00ThursdaySomething is definitely wrong with me. I woke up this THURSDAY morning and I have no excitement for going out tonight. Usually I wake up in SUCH a good mood, humming to myself. Woke up this morning. Blah. <br />
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I even walked out the door and saw no ice on my car and thought "Oooh, good sign, maybe it will be a good day", which is what I said yesterday and for the most part it was a good day. But as soon as I got in my car... happiness gone. For some reason being in my car makes my mind go crazy with thoughts. Me, myself and I talk WAY too much to each other. <br />
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I won this Sonic Care toothbrush last year from my dentist and it's sat in the box all year. I kept thinking I should put it on <a href="mailto:cr@ig$list">cr@ig$list</a> and finally did last night for $50, I debated $75 as it sells for like $125-$150 (looks like a stupid toothbrush to me) but I didn't think someone shopping on that site was looking to spend that much. I got a text exactly 30 minutes later. I'm meeting someone at 5:45 tonight. (in front of a grocery store, so don't worry mother hens, I will be safe). I sort of wish I had put it for $75. I have a bunch of porcelain dolls I need to get rid of. I have them all for $20 and they are worth more than that. I also have a mobility scooter that we paid $800 that I am trying to sell for $400 (I have it listed for 325 but they need to buy an $80 battery). I keep looking around my house to see what else I can try to sell on ebay or <a href="mailto:cr@igs">cr@igs</a>. <br />
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Deb, thank you for your sweet comment, it made me smile. <br />
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Martha, maybe we should rethink the domestic partner thing!! <br />
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I have actually thought about cleaning out my office and trying to rent that room. I just don't know what I would do with all of the stuff in it. I really don't know if I can keep my house unless I do something like that. <br />
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Ok, enough depressing thoughts. I'm not coming back until I have something uplifting to say.Demeryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00185674459454543955noreply@blogger.com3