Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A little proud moment

This is silly, but just a little proud moment for myself.  Ok two, but they are related. 

I stopped to get gas this morning and as I was putting in my PIN code, I just felt this little proud moment.  This was MY PIN code.  My brand new pin code. This is the first time I've had my own bank account in 20 years. I really did it.  I broke off from my joint account and got my own, that my paychecks go to. At a different credit union.  That just makes me feel so free.  And strong. And independent.

I opened the account 9/9.  I have kept a register since then. 6 weeks.  It has been so many years, I can't even remember, since I actually kept a register.  I've just always looked on-line and did math in my head... and often got into trouble.  I swore to myself that this time I was keeping a register.  So far I have done it.  I just went on-line to get my statement, and my register and my statement MATCH. They RECONCILE. AND this new account earns interest if you have over $500 in our account.  I have made $2.53 so far! Woohoo (and I'm sincere!) I've never earned interest in a checking account before!! 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Losing weight and not feeling good

So, I am sort of in the same boat as Mo. Losing lots of weight because I am not eating.  I'm just not hungry.  I don't think about eating.  Most of the time food doesn't sound good.  I try to make myself eat something in the morning with coffee.  But most of the time I eat a little package of trail mix and a Hansen's smoothie drink at lunch time and that might be about all I eat for the day.  If the girls and I don't eat a dinner together then I often don't think of eating dinner.  But there are times that I do eat and eat a lot. It's like I just have to be in the mood for it.

I've lost a lot of weight this year and am SO happy and enjoying it.  I needed to lose some of the weight for awhile.  I started a medication last year that made me gain a bunch of weight and I had already wanted to lose about 10 lbs before that.  But now I keep losing weight. I had no pants that fit me. Sweetpea has gained some weight (which she needed to do!) and gave several pairs of jeans to Punkers.  Punkers cleaned out her jeans and I tried them on and they all fit!  I have more jeans now than I've ever had in my life! And they were my daughters! hahaha  But all of a sudden, some of them are getting loose on me. "(  I don't want to lose any more weight! In fact, I'd like to gain about 3 lbs. back. Sweetpea is accusing me of liking to be skinny so much that I'm intentionally losing more weight to try to be try to get a guy.  Or that I'm aneorexic.  She keeps telling me how tiny I am and how worried she is.

I also have bruises all over my legs. I've been bruising SO easily.  I started taking Iron, Vit C and Vit B2 about 3 wks ago.  I can only take Iron a couple days a week because my digestive system doesn't like it (even the slow releas stuff).  All of those are supposed to help with bruising but I haven't noticed a difference. 

I have a med check appointment with my Dr on Thursday so I am going to mention it do her.  I want a CBC blood draw done just to make sure everything is all right. I take so many different meds that I think my liver & kidney levels should be checked.  I haven't felt good at all the last 3 days.  It could just be a bug of some sort but combined with the above stuff, it makes me worry a bit.  I have a major headache, stomach pain on the right side (not usual for me) and all over body aches.  My throat hurts a bit and so do sinuses.  I can't tell if its fluish or cold.  I had a temp of 99.5 last night and my normal is 97.6.  I stayed home from work yesterday, knowing that work was going with no phone coverage - that's how bad I felt.

I have a ton of work to do today and I feel like a slug.  I have to do payroll or I might have stayed home again today.  I might go take a nap at lunch time. We have a nice cozy couch and I have a blanky in my car. zzzzzz

Friday, October 14, 2011

Call me crazy

I have felt a little out of sorts this last week and really feeling like I needed to be grounded. I know the weather is kind of yucky, but I was REALLY craving to go to Mukilteo and put my feet in the sand.  Like it was just calling to me.  Yesterday was kind of nice and the pull was strong so at lunch time I went. 

I found a nice place to sit in the sand, took off my shoes and dug my toes in.  My body literally did a shudder of release and felt happiness that reached my soul. The salt air reached in and I swear I can feel it go in and stitch back together the pieces that are falling apart inside make me feel more whole.  Watching the water gently roll onto the beach and just seeing the soothing waves does more to make me feel calmer. The earth, the air and the water touch all five senses in a big way and that equals GROUNDED. I sat there for about a half hour just feeling serenity.  I had brought a small pad in case I felt like writing.  I wrote 3 pages and it was like I wasn't the one writing, is just poured out of me.  I can't tell you what I wrote and I haven't re-read it. I don't know if I will.

I was wondering why all of a sudden this pull, this urge to feel grounded.  Then I was thinking perhaps because I am more open to it.  That I have cleaned up a lot of "stuff" in my house, mind, body & spirit and maybe I can see things more clearly and see/feel what I need to keep me going.  I don't know...just a thought. 

But then again, maybe I am just going crazy? ")

Monday, October 10, 2011


I hate it when I am busy doing something and something flickers through my head... some thought or emotion and I think "I need to blog this" and when I finally have time to sit at the computer, I log on to blog and stare at the screen and ----------------- (that's my brain).  I can. not. think. of. what. to. say.  I HATE IT.

I have not been wanting to stay home Saturday nights.  I think it's a GOOD THING.  I spent so much time laying in my bed.  In pain.  In depression. Now, I am feeling good.  Feeling cute.  Not in very much pain, and I just don't feel like being at home.  I texted Martha and asked if she wanted to go to Big Daddy's.  I looked up the band playing and they looked like they might be fun.  She said SURE. I texted other RahRah's. Deb said maybe, but then said no.  Everyone else said no. But Martha and I had fun.  Martha needed to get away and relax.  I tried to get her out on the dance floor, but she wouldn't bite.  Anyone want to go next Saturday let me know. 

October 28th Big Daddy's is having a costume party with Platinum Spandex playing.  I don't usually really dress up for Halloween.  I have this gypsy costume I wear a lot because it's easy.  The last time I really put any energy into a costume was when I was "Mo the Chicken Killer Bus Driver". I spent some of this weekend working on my costume.  I think I'm either going to be a Fairy or a Madonna 80's type person. Something with a short skirt and short sleeves. Nothing with a hat or anything but normal type make up on the face. I was in Karli's closet. haha.   For the Fairy dress I would wear her 9th grade party dress.  Or she has a blue tutu I would wear with black leggings for the 80's thing. She was an 80's person last year so she has stuff for it. 

I suppose I should go to work now.  At the moment I don't have a lot to do today and that always makes the day d r a g.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Great Quote

My sister-in-law posted this on her FB wall yesterday.  It really hit home with me.  I'm not doing what I want to do. I would have said it fit me about 8 years ago.  I'm in the "haven't found it yet" category.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do."

"If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." ~Steve Jobs

Yesterday was hard day

Bubba has had a swollen lip for over a week so I broke down and took him to the vet yesterday.  I am a horrible person.  I have another cat that has been sick off and on forever and I haven't taken him because I think it will cost hundreds of dollars.  I have some medicine that I give him when it gets a little worse that helps a bit. He is 17-18 yr old and I think he has other health issues wrong with him and I think deep down I won't take him to the vet because I don't want to know all of that. But I took Bubba Gump the little autistic kitty (not really, we just call him that).

The doctor gave it some long scary name (granuloma was part of it and that sounds like a cancer name to me) but it means he's got a flea allergy and in the mouth like that, a sore that gets infected could go to his heart so it IS a bad place/way to have a flea allergy. So he got prednisone and he needs to have flea stuff on him every 3 weeks.... forever.  I got flea stuff for all of the animals (except Hope because she is not only allergic to fleas, but she's allergic to the flea stuff too) and I got this spray that is supposed to be really good and on Saturday I have to do the whole house, one room at a time.  It takes 30 minutes to dry and no humans or animals can be in that room while it's wet. Fun.

I got home and had a VM from someone that I've used for 19 yrs telling me they are going to have to send me to collections.  I went to work and a collections agency called me at work.  I put the retainer check in the mail to the bankruptcy attorney.

And I broke down. I need to do it.  I've been planning to do it.  It was just hard and so final to actually put it in the mail.  Now it is done and the next phase starts.

I was going to pay my mortgage with this check but I just remembered that I have to pay insurance.  I need $949 to file bankruptcy.  I had plannned to do it on the 21st but now I am thinking it will be 11/4.

I have this stupid mobility scooter to sell.  I was going to start it to make sure the battery worked because I've heard if they sit too long they die.  I coulnd't find the #$%@$%^ key anywhere.  It wasn't easy, but I was able to order a replacement key for this discontinued scooter.  The day AFTER I ordered it, Kallyn found it $%@. I charged the battery, plugged it in and turned the key.  Nothing.  Oh, well, I take that back - the headlight went on and the back up light will beep but the battery level is a big fat E. A battery costs $60ish.  So, do I buy the battery so I can sell this thing for $300-400 or do I try to sell it saying it needs a new battery?  I want it out of my living room!  And I need the money. Yesterday!

Monday, October 3, 2011

October Horoscope

Ok, I usually call this a Horror-scope and don't usually have much faith in them, but when I read this, I got excited.  Since there are a lot of words, I am going to highlight the stuff that I think pertains to (and excites me.)  There's actually quite a bit I'm not highlighting that I think might pertain to me, but I'm not going to go there...

October 2011 Highlights: Mars in Leo imparts fun, love and creativity to a month that could challenge your patience. Mars squares Jupiter in Taurus on the 3rd, take it slow and avoid frustration when your plans don't work out as you'd hoped. Mercury conjuncts Saturn in Libra on the 6th, your words can have consequences so think things through before speaking. Venus trines Neptune on the 7th, breakthroughs in consciousness could alter the course of relationships now. Sensuous Venus enters sultry Scorpio on the 9th. The Full Moon in Aries on October 11th is a time to stretch beyond our boundaries and embrace the change that brings new energy into our relationships. Resisting change will just make things harder, better to be flexible and adaptable rather than riding the brakes. Allow yourself to let go of duality and you'll find you are more present and willing to focus on now rather than dwelling in the past. Mid month will be trying with Saturn conjunct the Sun; it could also bring unusually cold weather. Mercury enters Scorpio on the 13th; be direct in your communication over the next few weeks. The time has come to hone in and say what you mean without dancing around the issues. Venus opposes expansive Jupiter on the 14th, this could create obstacles in relationships so be willing to make concessions for others. Mercury opposes Jupiter on the 17th, watch what you say to avoid hurt feelings. The Sun trines Neptune on the 21st blocking clarity so be cautious when making decisions now. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 23rd. The Scorpio New Moon on the 26th triggers us to release what we have out grown. Jupiter opposes the Sun and Moon while it trines Pluto bringing transformation to our old ways of being. Mars sextiles Saturn and squares Venus, this will bring lessons in relationships, try to listen and don't get hung up on your ego's defenses. If you are willing to delve in deeply there is a lot of healing that can take place now or the wounds could fester if you won't let go of your old ways of being. Embrace heart centered, higher levels of consciousness to avoid becoming stuck in the mud of blame and inertia. On the 28th Mercury the planet of communication squares Mars the planet of life force and vitality, Jupiter trines Pluto and opposes the Sun expanding the theme of embracing change and releasing the past. This transit encourages us to grow and embrace our potential to create a new life on our own terms. Venus squares Neptune on the 31st making us further shift our consciousness as we let go of what no longer fits us and recognize how far we have come during a year of rapid growth and change.

Aquarius   January 20th - February 18th:  Stay calm and don't over react if challenged by the Mars-Jupiter square at the beginning of the month. You'll achieve the great success this month by formulating a long range plan that includes expanding your education and traveling. You feel on the verge of a new direction in life and it is important to remain focused on your goals and desires in order to achieve what you really want. You are no longer willing to settle for less and will do what it takes to break patterns that have held you back in the past. The Full Moon in Aries gives you the ability to persuade others, this is a good time to come to new levels of agreement with those who are important to you. The New Moon in Scorpio may increase your responsibilities at work, avoid competition and conflict for best results at this time.

Ok, this is almost too funny.  I always read Pisces too since my birthday is on the 2/15, Pisces often seems to fit me better than Aquarius.  My plan is to try to file the bankruptcy by the end of the month.  AND I'm actually planning on dressing up and going to a Halloween party at Big Daddy's to see Platinum Spandex.

Pisces   February 19th - March 20th:  Take care of financial obligations and read over any agreements carefully in order to avoid unpleasant surprises. You will achieve the greatest success by taking care of debts and bring your accounts into balance. Even if the financial freedom that you desire is far off in the future, you will be able to take concrete steps towards creating the security you desire by the actions you take now. The Aries Full Moon brings new insight into how to reorganize your finances and gain more clarity about what you need to do in the future. The Scorpio new Moon could bring conflict with loved ones or coworkers, resulting in depression. Take a deep breath and resolve your differences to avoid ongoing conflict. You could receive unexpected financial opportunities at month's end. Dress-up and enjoy Halloween as you have been taking your problems too seriously.