AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

I just needed a good scream.   I know I am about to go off the deep end because I am desperately craving a cigarette all of a sudden. 


I want to blog SO bad but have not had time.  I barely got to eat lunch. I couldn't blog last night because Karli was watching TV with me, which I just LOVE. 


So yesterday, I spent about 2 hrs either on the phone w/DSHS or trying to get a hold of them. I found out that I qualify for a whopping $11 a month in food help I MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY!?!?.  But I do quality for free lunch for Karli and a letter to try to get help from PUD.  Which is good, because when I tried to apply for PUD help, they told me I made too much.  I still have to call PSE.  It is really hard to do all this while I am working.  Thank god my boss was out a lot yesterday.


I paid $500 towards my DECEMBER mortgage yesterday.  I AM really lucky that my mortgage is so low, I don't think I could find a 3 bedroom apt for less than the $1190 I pay for mortgage, but when you owe 2 1/2+ and then late payments, it is still a lot.  Between PUD, Water, PSE, Comcast & Verizon I currently owe $1850 - that is after making $25 & $50 payments to them all yesterday, with the exception of Verizon, I had to pay them $240 to stay turned on and owe them another $240 by the 4th.  I have to get money to a collections guy this week for Schick.  Isn't that nice? We owe them $2440 for something that didn't work.  We have paid them $200 but then it went to collections.  Oh and do you know that in January between Dr copays & prescription copays (mostly prescriptions) we spent $519??  Crazy huh?  Thank God for the Flexible Spending plan.  I have $ taken out of my check and then can turn around and get reimbursed, so yes, I am paying twice but getting reimbursed once but it is tax free so it helps at tax time and getting that money back right away sure really helps. 


Today I have been told by two mothers that my youngest smoked pot this past weekend.  Two totally different tactics.  One texted me to tell me her daughter didn't pass a UA for pot and she wanted to let me know since Karli had been with her during the weekend.  She has done this before.  She is very nice and she is going through struggles with her step-daughter.  The other one said that her daughter told her she had smoked pot over the weekend (the 2 moms happen to be friends so they had probably talked) and then she said "You know Karli did too right?" (actually, I DONT know any such thing until I talk to Karli - I am not going to assume... even though, yes I know the chance is high... ) and she was just almost belligerent about it. The first girl is a very bad influence.  She is the one that gets the drug and REALLY peer pressures the girls into it...calls them names, begs.. is just MEAN until the cave...at least that is what I have heard 2nd hand.  *sigh*  of course I CANT know any of this first hand.  Or I lose ALL info I get.  But when I go home, after working and going grocery shopping, I get to talk to my daughter and question her about what she did this weekend.  So much fun to be a parent sometimes. 


Do you know how hard it is to WORK when you have all this SHIT in your mind, hanging over your head?  I just have to keep reminding myself to BREATHE.  The ONLY thing going is that the prednisone, as awful of a drug as it is, it helping with the pain.  


Oh yeah, Kallyn is in one of her depressions.  She is depressed and moody about EVERYTHING.  And she decided to start working out at a Gym (she had a week free coupon and now her boyfriend has joined and is paying for her until she gets a job)  It is a way for her to take out her aggression/depression but it has made her RSD flare up HUGELY, which just makes a vicious cycle for her depression.  I HATE it!  Especially since she is not seeing a counselor.  Seeing the counselor once a week when she was like this helped tremendously.  double *sigh*. 


Ok, done venting for now.  Back to work.  (It's taken me 2 hours to get this done.)


BREATHING