Not in a good mental space

I left work yesterday feeling VERY cranky and ended up fighting with both girls. I didn't think I said anything to set them off but they both ended up being VERY disrespectful to me and I really over-reacted. I cried myself to sleep. I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I am not sure why. I am thinking it is possibly due to sort of detoxing my body. I kind of feel like when I had to wean off the celexa to go on the cymbalta.

17 days without gluten (mostly, there was that 1 snickerdoodle). I realized yesterday that over the weekend I ate an ice cream cone w/out even thinking about it. Did I beat myself up when I realized it? No. I said "I am human, I am going to make mistakes." Going to the store is really hard for me and I went to Sam's Club yesterday. Maybe that is what set off my crankiness. Once I smell the bread and see all the frozen foods that ALL have wheat or breaded yummy things, it sets me off. My whole body craves it like a crack whore craves her drug.

I have also cut way back on caffeine. I have my travel mug on the way to work and that's it. Usually when I get to work I will drink about 3 more cups of coffee and then in the afternoon I have a can of coke. The last week or so I either don't even have the coke or I drink half and poor the rest out. It doesn't even taste that good.

Since Friday I have only taken 1 pain pill instead of the usual 1-2 a day. I also went 3 days without taking my nerve pills and I usually take 2 a day. I was out but Jake has them and he would have given some to me, but I didn't really feel like I needed them. Is it because of not having gluten? Is it the cutting down on caffeine? Is it because of the heat? My body really does like the heat. This weekend when the temp drops 25 degrees from last weekend, my body will revolt. Ugh. I have also started taking 3 new supplements the neurologist suggested for my head. It maybe helping my body, but not my head.

That is the main reason for not taking any pain pills - to see if it might help my head. There is such a thing as rebound headaches where taking pain pills actually CAUSES headaches. Nope. Head still hurts. On a scale of 1-10, I have been walking around with about a 5 at all times for at least the last week (after I got over the 5 day migraine.)

So, I am trying to help myself. Trying to make a change. Trying to feel better. Sometimes though, I just wonder "what is the point?" Why are we here? Why am I here? Am I just supposed to do this same thing for 40-50 more years? Live through shit after crisis after BS? Why?