Just having trouble with this whole Holiday thing

I have so many different things going on right now and it is really overwhelming me.  I keep trying to decorate for Christmas and I am having the hardest time.  Jake moved out last November but things were so weird then this is really the first Christmas more on my own and it is what I want, so why do I start bawling everytime I start to decorate or try to do anything?  Well, this last time I was pulling stuff out in the laundry/storage room and looked over & saw this crocheted booty that my step dad had bought at a craft fair for Kallyn when she was first born. He is not here this year, which means my mom is really not "here".  It still does not seem real that he is gone.  

My kids seem to expect the house decorated but don't seem to want to help me and it would be a much more pleasurable thing if we did it as a family.  I seem to be having issues with both of them that just breaks my heart.  I myself am feeling incredibly restless and lonely.  I'm not comfortable inside my own skin. 

I am so broke it is not even funny.  I have 1 more paycheck before Christmas and it won't even be enough to pay the mortgage so how am I supposed to buy any Christmas presents?  I honestly just don't know what to do?  I keep praying and praying and job searching for a 2nd part time job that would work with my FT one or a full time job that makes more than I do right now.  I'm trying to sell  some things on ebay and craigslist.