Hump day

Well, it took two days, but I finally convinced Mo that she COULD. NOT. take Cheroo by herself.  That she DID. NOT. NEED. TO.  I loved Cheroo so much.  I was as bonded to him as much as with my own kitties. He was the biggest love. You could pick him up and put him in your lap and he'd just lay there. He was a part of Mo's house.  I know that she is mourning him greatly and the time of the year sucks.  And I think when he got up to heaven, he found Dilbert and told him that he didn't like Fifi either! Mo, It was an honor to be there with you two in that heartbreaking, private time. I love you sister of my heart.

I got in my car to go to lunch yesterday, I had to go to the bank and I went to the auto store to buy Transmission fluid, then I was trying to decide what to do next and the owners manual said the car needed to be pretty warm before you checked the fluid. I got in my car with no idea really of where to drive to, and before I knew it I was at Mukilteo Beach.  I went and sat on a log and cried my heart out.  Prayed for Cheroo.  Cried for my step-dad. This Christmas is really hard. I just can't get into the Christmas spirit.  It isn't the same without him. I'm mad at my mom for a couple reasons and she's so upset and missing him, she said she's not doing anything for Christmas.  I have no money and my kids won't tell me anything they want so that makes it even harder to buy for them.  I don't want to spend what little money I have to buy them something just to be buying them something - I want to get them something they WANT.  It just makes me so depressed.  I cried for all that too.  Then looking out over the calm water and burying my hands in the sand, calmed me down.  It was too dang cold to put my feet in sand, but for some reason pouring the sand through my hands helped a little. It's like I need to connect with the earth.  Isn't that weird? I know.  I am weird. 

THEN, Ok.  I needed the transmission fluid checked in my car and a certain STBE (soon to be ex) had said for 3 days he would do it and hadn't (although one day he had to xl to go to an interview, so that was forgiven).  I decided I would do it.  You can find anything on the internet, so I looked up how you check it and I looked in the owners manual, and I did it myself and added some fluid to it. (it is harder than just adding oil).  Unfortunatley, that is not the problem. *sigh*  But the Mustang doesn't like to drive on ice (straight anyways, it has no problem driving sideways) so I am thinking I need to drive the STUPID truck for the next couple of months. The truck that costs $40 a month more to insure and gets 10.5 mpg instead of 18. BUT has 4 wheel drive. ugh