I turned in the paper work for the 401k loan Friday. Now I'm stuck working where I'm at for the next 3 years or I have a balloon payment when I leave. But I am getting enough to get almost caught up on mortgage and to file bankruptcy.
While we were all stuck in the snow I managed to apply for a job at a local, very community oriented pizza place. They have just a carry out/delivery place now but are opening a sit down place in March that will serve wine & beer. His staff now is pretty much all HS kids. He is in need of some people over 21 to be able to pour the alcohol. I stopped in to pick up pizza during the snow & filled out an app & talked to him. He called me next day to set up an interview. I had the interview on Saturday and he offered me the job right there, which he said he doesn't usually do. I will prob work 2 evenings from 6-10 and Sat or Sun for 8 hrs. Hopefully by the grace of god my body will be up to it. I am actually looking forward to it so I think that will help with the adjustment and by the time I'm bored with it, my body should be used to it... right? I don't see people at my work...I get so lonely (that's why I'm on FB so much - to have human contact in way) and I love working with people so I am actually looking forward to working with the public and it's right in my backyard so I should know a lot of the people that come in. I will be working mostly with teenagers and I do well with them. I might start training next week. Pete told me that in the next 3 weeks I was going to make an awful lot of pizzas. ") I won't be doing that at the new store, but he has everyone learn how to do everything - which I LOVE.
He is totally flexible on scheduling so I told him that I wanted Friday or Saturday night free. I have to have some time to go DANCING!!! Hopefully I will have the energy to do it.
We had plans to go to Tulalip Thursday night, which got cancelled due to weather and the same group of people were going Friday. I had told them I couldn't go because I wasn't going to go 2 nights in a row. All day Friday I was trying to decide. Tulalip just seemed SO FAR and I would be going by myself.
I should back up and say that I've been going to meetings lately. Since a Xmas party I went to in Dec that was all AA and NA people, I've been hanging out w/the hostess A LOT (pretty much lived there during snow storm) and getting to know her friends. I'm not going to mtgs because I feel like drinking/using but because they really help with living life on life's terms. I feel like I need the emotional, mental and spiritual help right now and meetings cost $1, much cheaper than therapy. I think pretty much everyone would benefit from going through the 12 steps. Like the mtg we went to on Thurs, the topic was basically "making mountains out of molehills" and other one was "just for today".
Anyways, Fri I decided to go to a 7:30 meeting and see how I felt afterwards. The band started at 9:30 but people were getting there at 7:30. In my head I think I already decided I wasn't going. I was sort of in a bad mental space. I have something else going on that I've been letting mind f#ck me (men...sigh...). Anways, I went to meeting. Came home and climbed in to my bed (still clothed) with my laptop, at about 9 and decided I was staying home. My mind started going off again about this "thing" and at 9:20 I climbed out of bed and changed my shirt and put on my dancing boots and out the door I went. I have never been to Tulalip before. I walked into the bar and was trying to find my group and Andy (not w/my group, but someone I know) saw me and grabbed me to the dance floor. Andy is the greatest thing EVER for my ego. He's the one I was so proud of myself for dancing with a few months ago because he's so outrageous and I went out of my comfort zone to dance with him. Now I can't get enough dancing with him. I don't like him or anything. no no no. He's just a great dancer and at least once he will dip me really low and then pick me way up and spin me around. Very attention getting and very unlike me. I wish you all could see it. Within 2 minutes of being there and dancing, my mood had gone from 0-100 and I was SO incredibly glad I had come. So much happier. OMG, I LOVE dancing!!!!
Then I was "made" to play the slots afterwards. My friends had a coupon that if you had $20, you'd get a voucher for $30 to play the slots. Someone lent me their 20 and then we cashed in the voucher so that I could have the $10 in free money to play with. Cool, huh? I came home with $5!.... a little after 4 am and I'd had coffee in order to make it home so I was awake until about 6. If my body was left to keep it's own schedule, it would stay up until 2 or 3 am and get up at 8:30-9. So, after a week of snow and mixed up schedules, it just sort of reverts that way really easilty. I wonder if that's why I get insomnia so much too.
Well... that's all I gots for now. Typed way more than I meant to.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
It doesn't help your mood
When the mail comes and there's mail for your boss from a collections agency telling them to garnish your wages.
#$^%$# I need to file bankruptcy. All week I've tried to get up the courage to ask my boss if he'd give me an advance/loan and let me take an extra $50 a check out to pay it back. I guess this paperwork is a good conversation starter. I'm supposed to pay mortgage this week but I can't for 2 wks cuz I have to pay car insurance. The cable/internet has been out all week and the girls are going crazy. I also have to pay the phone bill today or they are going to cut us off. That is like our last life line so I can't do that. Between insurnce and phone, that's half my check. Maybe I'm down because I just don't see any way out of this....
WAIT. (as I try to dry the tears off). Today is Friday the 13th and historically that is a good luck day for me. So perhaps the boss will give me that front AND as I type Jake is at an interview for a job that he does not want, but is supposed to be at a place that is hiring everyone and anyone at the moment. $16/hr and they pay weekly. His daughter gave him a lecture that he better do his best and if he didn't get the job he better take a hard look at himself. (she's the one that set it up for him)
Going to go curl up in a ball on the couch for lunch now. I was hungry but I lost my appetite. I seriously feel like I need to gain about 5 lbs. I bought food yesterday with the intention of eating healthy AND trying to gain weight at the same time.
#$^%$# I need to file bankruptcy. All week I've tried to get up the courage to ask my boss if he'd give me an advance/loan and let me take an extra $50 a check out to pay it back. I guess this paperwork is a good conversation starter. I'm supposed to pay mortgage this week but I can't for 2 wks cuz I have to pay car insurance. The cable/internet has been out all week and the girls are going crazy. I also have to pay the phone bill today or they are going to cut us off. That is like our last life line so I can't do that. Between insurnce and phone, that's half my check. Maybe I'm down because I just don't see any way out of this....
WAIT. (as I try to dry the tears off). Today is Friday the 13th and historically that is a good luck day for me. So perhaps the boss will give me that front AND as I type Jake is at an interview for a job that he does not want, but is supposed to be at a place that is hiring everyone and anyone at the moment. $16/hr and they pay weekly. His daughter gave him a lecture that he better do his best and if he didn't get the job he better take a hard look at himself. (she's the one that set it up for him)
Going to go curl up in a ball on the couch for lunch now. I was hungry but I lost my appetite. I seriously feel like I need to gain about 5 lbs. I bought food yesterday with the intention of eating healthy AND trying to gain weight at the same time.
Friday
Again a lot of time has passed since I blogged. I almost blogged... Monday, I think... sometime when I was all happy and had happy things to post and now I don't even remember what they were. Been in a downer mood the last couple of days. I have a lot of mental stuff going on in my head and trying to process it all... it often just confuses the hell out of me more and that depresses me and then I'm in a cycle. I haven't been dancing in two weeks but I am going tonight, maybe that will help unclog things. It is at a place I've never been before aka outside of my comfort zone. I want my Big Daddy's. (Lord that sounds bad huh?)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Year
It is the new year and I have not blogged for awhile. Doing lots of stuff but haven't had it in me to blog.
I went to dinner with a friend last Wednesday. He was visiting from out of state. We worked together for 5 years (98-03) and actually went to HS together before that. (small world)
Thur was the last night of the disco band playing at "my place" every Thursday. Now they are playing at a casino about 30-45 away and I will probably go about once a month. I am STILL waiting for my place to put out the January calendar. It is quite odd that it's not out yet, so not sure what is in store for this Thursday. KJ and I were thinking of going and checking it out. They used to have 3 different drinks for $3 and now they are supposed to have 21 for $3. But I could care less abou that! I wanna know about the music!
I was so excited for Friday to finally come because Mo was going to GO OUT! Martha and I went to get a table at 7 because I wanted a table in front (and there's just 2) and when we got there, there were people at 1 and a reserved sign on the other. I told the hostess that I was hoping to get one of those and she actually moved the reserved sign to another table!! Mo and Deb came about 8:20 and then the band people started trickling in. I thought they were supposed to play at 9. 9 came & went. The bassist came in at 9:15 with all his gear and STARTED TALKING TO PEOPLE AT TABLES. Okaaay. They must play at 9:30. 9:30 came and went. At like 9:45 someone from the place told them they needed to start playing. They went over and started doing sound check stuff and tuning equipment!! At 10 they started to play and had major feedback that took a few minutes to sort out. Meanwhile Mo looks like she is ready to fall asleep and ready to bolt at the same time. I was SO MAD! I finally got her out and this is the impression she was getting. Her deal was to stay for one set, which should have been over about 10. She was a trooper and stayed until after 11. But I know she won't be coming back out "(
And I'm very disappointed in Deb!! She said she would dance around the table and she refused to get out of her seat. A song came on that everyone said "You can't dance to this song" and Deb said "I can dance to this, this is a great song to dance to" So I tried to get her up. I was willing to dance to a song I couldn't dance to for her, but noooooo. I danced with this very cute college kid. He had these bright red shoes on and he had some MOOOVES.
New Years Eve was perfect. I really have no desire to go out and be amongst all the drunk & disorderly people on NYE. Kallyn and I went out to dinner and then watched shows on DVR and the Space Needle count down. Jake had this idea come to him and brought over 2 votive candles for each of us. He had written 2011 on one and 2012 on the other. He wanted us to light the 2011 and then throw it out. Then in 2012 light the other one to light the way for the new year. I came up with an even better idea. I had a couple of the display fireworks. We lit the candle and then used it to light the firework so that 2012 started off with a BANG!
I had nice day on the 1st visiting with same out of town friend and someone else I went to HS with but haven't seen since then and his wife. Went to lunch and watched the game.
Monday I didn't get out of bed until noon!!! and then when I did, I got stuff done! Nice combo day.
Today at work it was Monday & Tuesday all rolled into one. I'm so excited that tomorrow is Wednesday already!
I went to dinner with a friend last Wednesday. He was visiting from out of state. We worked together for 5 years (98-03) and actually went to HS together before that. (small world)
Thur was the last night of the disco band playing at "my place" every Thursday. Now they are playing at a casino about 30-45 away and I will probably go about once a month. I am STILL waiting for my place to put out the January calendar. It is quite odd that it's not out yet, so not sure what is in store for this Thursday. KJ and I were thinking of going and checking it out. They used to have 3 different drinks for $3 and now they are supposed to have 21 for $3. But I could care less abou that! I wanna know about the music!
I was so excited for Friday to finally come because Mo was going to GO OUT! Martha and I went to get a table at 7 because I wanted a table in front (and there's just 2) and when we got there, there were people at 1 and a reserved sign on the other. I told the hostess that I was hoping to get one of those and she actually moved the reserved sign to another table!! Mo and Deb came about 8:20 and then the band people started trickling in. I thought they were supposed to play at 9. 9 came & went. The bassist came in at 9:15 with all his gear and STARTED TALKING TO PEOPLE AT TABLES. Okaaay. They must play at 9:30. 9:30 came and went. At like 9:45 someone from the place told them they needed to start playing. They went over and started doing sound check stuff and tuning equipment!! At 10 they started to play and had major feedback that took a few minutes to sort out. Meanwhile Mo looks like she is ready to fall asleep and ready to bolt at the same time. I was SO MAD! I finally got her out and this is the impression she was getting. Her deal was to stay for one set, which should have been over about 10. She was a trooper and stayed until after 11. But I know she won't be coming back out "(
And I'm very disappointed in Deb!! She said she would dance around the table and she refused to get out of her seat. A song came on that everyone said "You can't dance to this song" and Deb said "I can dance to this, this is a great song to dance to" So I tried to get her up. I was willing to dance to a song I couldn't dance to for her, but noooooo. I danced with this very cute college kid. He had these bright red shoes on and he had some MOOOVES.
New Years Eve was perfect. I really have no desire to go out and be amongst all the drunk & disorderly people on NYE. Kallyn and I went out to dinner and then watched shows on DVR and the Space Needle count down. Jake had this idea come to him and brought over 2 votive candles for each of us. He had written 2011 on one and 2012 on the other. He wanted us to light the 2011 and then throw it out. Then in 2012 light the other one to light the way for the new year. I came up with an even better idea. I had a couple of the display fireworks. We lit the candle and then used it to light the firework so that 2012 started off with a BANG!
I had nice day on the 1st visiting with same out of town friend and someone else I went to HS with but haven't seen since then and his wife. Went to lunch and watched the game.
Monday I didn't get out of bed until noon!!! and then when I did, I got stuff done! Nice combo day.
Today at work it was Monday & Tuesday all rolled into one. I'm so excited that tomorrow is Wednesday already!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
IT'S THURSDAY!!!!
Everybody, get on the floor and let's dance
Don't fight your feelings, give yourself a chance
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, You can, you can do it very well
You're the best in the world, I can tell
Oh, Shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Karli got her nose pierced last night. It bled a lot and I thought I was going to pass out. She was gripping my hand so tight that I had deep fingernail indentations in my hand. She loves it.
Kallyn came to file today and I kept smelling something good. I thought it smelled like shampoo and I went to smell her hair to see. I got right up to her hair and ZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP we both got shocked horribly! There were sparks!! My nose felt like it got pierced and she thought her hair caught on fire. We both were almost on the floor in laughter. My boss had to open up his little french fry window to see what the hell was going on.
Going to dance soon!!!
Don't fight your feelings, give yourself a chance
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, You can, you can do it very well
You're the best in the world, I can tell
Oh, Shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake
Shake your booty
Shake your booty
Karli got her nose pierced last night. It bled a lot and I thought I was going to pass out. She was gripping my hand so tight that I had deep fingernail indentations in my hand. She loves it.
Kallyn came to file today and I kept smelling something good. I thought it smelled like shampoo and I went to smell her hair to see. I got right up to her hair and ZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP we both got shocked horribly! There were sparks!! My nose felt like it got pierced and she thought her hair caught on fire. We both were almost on the floor in laughter. My boss had to open up his little french fry window to see what the hell was going on.
Going to dance soon!!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Hey doing good!
I'm sort of afraid to say that and jinx it. I believe in jinxing.
I had such a good weekend (it really started on Thursday and kept going through Sunday). I closed down Big Daddy's 3 nights in a row. Whew! I love love the security guy (Shawn) there. Love to give him crap. ") He had to almost pick me and a friend up and throw us out on Thur & Sat. he he. I wish he had done that to this drunk girl I was giving a ride home to on Friday night. Boy, it was like trying to herd....herd...I don't know something REALLY difficult to herd, to get her out the door. When I saw Shawn Sat. night he told me next time he'd pick her up and carry her out the door for me. I asked him if he'd come with me to take her home so he could pick her up out of the truck too! We sat in her driveway for 45 minutes before she quit talking and got out!!
Here is who I saw Friday night - this is Mikey Spandex from Platinum Spandex. He is a main reason I like to come!! Yes, he is married (and has a daughter that plays softball on a rival team of my daughters!) but looking doesn't hurt... right?
Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with 26 people there. 1 person I knew really well and there were 3 people I knew somewhat and 3 were acquaintances and the other people I'd pretty much never seen before. It started at 7 and the person I knew really well wasnt going to be there til 8. I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. (BIG deal for me! but I'm working on stretching that comfort zone and branching out ya know) so I went and had fun and met new people and laughed really hard and got a text from my good friend that she was going to be later (she got there at 10:30). She and I left at 12:30 and weren't quite ready to go home. The bands play til 1:00 at Big Daddy's so we decided to run there. I've wanted to see the band that was playing for awhile so I got to see a couple songs. They are a 10 person band with trumpets and saxaphones & such - very cool!
From all of that I woke up Sunday in the Christmas Spirit. Finally! I woke up and put on my Santa Hat and naked Santa earrings and knee high Santa socks and Karli and I baked cookies and went shopping.
Yesterday I finished Christmas shopping. This year I bought less than I ever have. The girls each get one present and their stockings. It just breaks my heart. Karli tells me it's just fine; all she wants is her nose pierced. (ughh) (Now I just have to decided between paying the cable/internet bill or the cell phone bill.)
The good mood is still carrying on and it's Wednesday. Woohoo! I'm going to a Christmas dinner/gift exchange Thursday before the dancing and it sounds like a lot of people I know are going to be there Thursday, so LOTS of fun! I was invited to a Christmas party on Friday from a friend and I will not know ANYONE else there (besides my girls). More branching out. Saturday I celebrate Christmas with my siblings and step-mom and Sunday will be spent with my beautiful girls and Jake & Normi. I get Monday off, yay!!
Dang... better get back to work. Soooooo not in the mood.
I had such a good weekend (it really started on Thursday and kept going through Sunday). I closed down Big Daddy's 3 nights in a row. Whew! I love love the security guy (Shawn) there. Love to give him crap. ") He had to almost pick me and a friend up and throw us out on Thur & Sat. he he. I wish he had done that to this drunk girl I was giving a ride home to on Friday night. Boy, it was like trying to herd....herd...I don't know something REALLY difficult to herd, to get her out the door. When I saw Shawn Sat. night he told me next time he'd pick her up and carry her out the door for me. I asked him if he'd come with me to take her home so he could pick her up out of the truck too! We sat in her driveway for 45 minutes before she quit talking and got out!!
Here is who I saw Friday night - this is Mikey Spandex from Platinum Spandex. He is a main reason I like to come!! Yes, he is married (and has a daughter that plays softball on a rival team of my daughters!) but looking doesn't hurt... right?
Saturday night I went to a Christmas party with 26 people there. 1 person I knew really well and there were 3 people I knew somewhat and 3 were acquaintances and the other people I'd pretty much never seen before. It started at 7 and the person I knew really well wasnt going to be there til 8. I put on my big girl panties and went by myself. (BIG deal for me! but I'm working on stretching that comfort zone and branching out ya know) so I went and had fun and met new people and laughed really hard and got a text from my good friend that she was going to be later (she got there at 10:30). She and I left at 12:30 and weren't quite ready to go home. The bands play til 1:00 at Big Daddy's so we decided to run there. I've wanted to see the band that was playing for awhile so I got to see a couple songs. They are a 10 person band with trumpets and saxaphones & such - very cool!
Yesterday I finished Christmas shopping. This year I bought less than I ever have. The girls each get one present and their stockings. It just breaks my heart. Karli tells me it's just fine; all she wants is her nose pierced. (ughh) (Now I just have to decided between paying the cable/internet bill or the cell phone bill.)
The good mood is still carrying on and it's Wednesday. Woohoo! I'm going to a Christmas dinner/gift exchange Thursday before the dancing and it sounds like a lot of people I know are going to be there Thursday, so LOTS of fun! I was invited to a Christmas party on Friday from a friend and I will not know ANYONE else there (besides my girls). More branching out. Saturday I celebrate Christmas with my siblings and step-mom and Sunday will be spent with my beautiful girls and Jake & Normi. I get Monday off, yay!!
Dang... better get back to work. Soooooo not in the mood.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Things to be thankful for
1. At the moment, first and foremost, I am most grateful that I had a hysterectomy and do not get my periods because my emotions are so #$%$# wacky, I could not stand PMS on top of it right now!!! I just keep thinking thank god I can't get PMS! I am so up and down. Happy and heartbreakingly sad.
2. I have 3 beautiful children that I love with all my heart and soul. I really wish that Jason lived here so that I could see that smile of his more often. His grin and silliness always makes me laugh.
3. While my Mustang's transmission died and I have absolutely no money to fix it, I do have a truck to drive. Sure, it costs $40 more a month in insurance and only gets 10.7 mpg BUT IT IS A VEHICLE TO DRIVE.
4. I have a job. Thank the heavens.
5. I am two months behind in my mortgage and constantly worry about foreclosure, BUT I belong to a Credit Union not BANK OF UNAMERICA and they have been working with me for over a year and so I still have a roof over my head. I do, I do believe in miracles.
6. This Holiday season is really hard without my step-dad. He sort of WAS Christmas. My mom's anniversary is New Year's Eve so she really has a double whammy. But I was just reminded (sort of a little voice whispering in my ear...where DO those come from?) that he would HATE for us all to be sad and not enjoying Christmas. It would tear him up to see us all so unhappy. So I am going to try harder. *damn it*
Yesterday was a day where I just couldn't seem to stop crying. My boss wasn't at work so I was free to do that. Dancing honestly helps boost those happy endorphins. Today I feel better. Not great, but better. The last few days I had thought I would stay home tonight but I saw some intriguing pictures today on the PS website that makes me want to go. And I found out that I would be alone tonight and I just don't want to be alone. Right now, being alone with myself, well the three of us - me, myself and I - are not a good combination. My mind starts going and I just get more emotional. When I am dancing I can't think. It is freedom from thinking and stress. A respite for the mind and body and some healing for the soul.
I need to try to finish shopping this weekend. I don't have very much to buy at. all. So it shouldn't be hard to accomplish. Tomorrow night I am going to Christmas party where I will know 4 people (1 person really well and 3 sorta) and not know 20 other people. I don't do real well in situations like that but that is part of the new me that is stretching my comfort zone. Stretching is how I know the host in the first place. Because after Geoff died, and I was sitting at Mukilteo Beach one day, a little voice whispered in my ear that life was too short, one never knew what was going to happen and I needed to LIVE IT while I could.
2. I have 3 beautiful children that I love with all my heart and soul. I really wish that Jason lived here so that I could see that smile of his more often. His grin and silliness always makes me laugh.
3. While my Mustang's transmission died and I have absolutely no money to fix it, I do have a truck to drive. Sure, it costs $40 more a month in insurance and only gets 10.7 mpg BUT IT IS A VEHICLE TO DRIVE.
4. I have a job. Thank the heavens.
5. I am two months behind in my mortgage and constantly worry about foreclosure, BUT I belong to a Credit Union not BANK OF UNAMERICA and they have been working with me for over a year and so I still have a roof over my head. I do, I do believe in miracles.
6. This Holiday season is really hard without my step-dad. He sort of WAS Christmas. My mom's anniversary is New Year's Eve so she really has a double whammy. But I was just reminded (sort of a little voice whispering in my ear...where DO those come from?) that he would HATE for us all to be sad and not enjoying Christmas. It would tear him up to see us all so unhappy. So I am going to try harder. *damn it*
Yesterday was a day where I just couldn't seem to stop crying. My boss wasn't at work so I was free to do that. Dancing honestly helps boost those happy endorphins. Today I feel better. Not great, but better. The last few days I had thought I would stay home tonight but I saw some intriguing pictures today on the PS website that makes me want to go. And I found out that I would be alone tonight and I just don't want to be alone. Right now, being alone with myself, well the three of us - me, myself and I - are not a good combination. My mind starts going and I just get more emotional. When I am dancing I can't think. It is freedom from thinking and stress. A respite for the mind and body and some healing for the soul.
I need to try to finish shopping this weekend. I don't have very much to buy at. all. So it shouldn't be hard to accomplish. Tomorrow night I am going to Christmas party where I will know 4 people (1 person really well and 3 sorta) and not know 20 other people. I don't do real well in situations like that but that is part of the new me that is stretching my comfort zone. Stretching is how I know the host in the first place. Because after Geoff died, and I was sitting at Mukilteo Beach one day, a little voice whispered in my ear that life was too short, one never knew what was going to happen and I needed to LIVE IT while I could.
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