Wednesday

My therapist told me yesterday that my guilt button is not quite as big as Texas but larger than California....hmmm.... why would he say that? How could he know me so well already??

My mind is also my worse enemy - THAT I KNEW!! I should never be left alone with my mind.

Kallyn told me yesterday that she is trying to be optimistic and look at the divorce in a positive light in that she knows that I have been unhappy for along time and this is a chance for me to be happy. That she believes I will be more active and in less pain and do more things with my daughters and laugh more. She knows that her dad can go either way and she is hoping that he will chose to snap out of it and make positive changes too. My wise wise daughter. I think maybethe 2 years of therapy has helped her some afterall. I haven't tried to talk to my younger daughter yet. She slept with me last night. It was because she was watching TV with me. She started to go to her own bed and the show caught her attention and she said "Maybe one more show" and crawled back into bed. Maybe it was to really watch one more show and maybe it was to be close to me longer. Who knows.

Today I am taking Kallyn to an ENT because she needs to have her tonsils out. I cannot afford to do that at all. I already have a $1600 bill in collections at Evergreen Hospital so I don't even know if she could have her surgery. I am making $50 a paycheck payments on it so it is probably $1400 now. That is from my hysterectomy. We are still paying on Jake's last shoulder surgery. That is WITH insurance. God. She needs to have them out before then end of the year when my $750 deductible kicks back in. WAIT! I have until the end of January! My insurance year just changed this last year to go from Feb 1- Jan31 instead of Jan 1-Dec 31. Whew that is extra time to see the stupid Neurosurgeon about my stupid Aneurysm too. Pbtth

I am feeling Fiesty today.