Ok, yesterday I woke with a headache (I went to bed w/a pretty bad headache) but when I stepped outside it was like a lightening bolt to my head and it was an instant migraine. I can be very light sensitive and when I just got my eyes checked 2 wks ago I mentioned it to the eye Dr. (I go to Costco and seem to get a different Dr every 2 yrs), she said that my eyes stay dialated and don't retract and that is why. (as she is shining a light right into them) NO ONE has every told me that before. I told her that even on cloudy days, or on my way to work at 8 am, I wear sunglasses and she said that cloudy days are often worse because of the glare of the clouds on the pavement. Which is what I've always thought, and it is very nice to have an eye Dr validate it.
It was one of those headaches where I would have called my assistant to come fill in for me if she was available.... if she hadn't quit. Yes, I no longer have someone to fill in for me... for Dr appointmnents... for sick days... for vacation. And my boss does not seem interested in hiring any one at this time. Right now I am THE admin person for our Tacoma office, the Everett office (that's where I am) and I have no back up. There was stuff I left for her to do when she filled in for me, so there is extra work I have to do now that she is gone as well.
Anyways, back to this headache. I took a migraine pill on my way to work, but I only had one in my purse. I also took a hydro (which doesn't really do much for me). 2 hrs later my head still hurt just as much. Jake happen to call and could tell I was hurting. He was at our house with Karli and he insisted on bringing me another pill. I had told him I was just going to go home at lunch and get one, but he didn't want me driving. It made me go "Awww". I knew my boss was leaving for a meeting & I COULDN'T WAIT so that I could turn off the overhead lights. He won't let me have them off when he is here because he thinks it looks like we are "closed" from the outside. HELLO! VERY VERY RARELY DOES ANYONE COME HERE. He is the one that sets up a mtg if someone comes here, it's not like we have clients/customers that stop in. (He's gone now and they are off.) By the time he left it was actually time for lunch.
We have a couch so I grabbed a blanket out of my truck and set my phone alarm and put the blanket over my head. I was trying to do deep breathing but I was breathing really fast and couldn't seem to get it under control. I was trying to meditate and having trouble. All of a sudden the phrase "I'm relaxed and happy, happy and relaxed" popped into my head. I started breathing with the words. I just kept repeating them. I pictured being somewhere tropical and all of a sudden I could actually feel my shoulders relaxing. I did end up meditating. I got shaken out of it by the work phone ringing, but I did feel quite a bit better. I have been repeating those words quite a bit and you can call me crazy but it seems to be working a little. The pain in my buttcheek/leg is a bit better today. If I feel it trying to flare up, I focus on that area and repeat my little mantra, stressing on the RELAXED, like that area needs to just relax and quit spasming. Even if it just works for day, or even the hour - I will take it.
Your mind is a powerful thing. I know that but somehow I've forgotten and woke up this morning with these thoughts in my (even though I had been having a nightmare at one point last night). If you walk around saying you are stressed out and in pain or even thinking you are stressed out and in pain - you are telling your brain that and the brain is going to send out signals to your body... pain - pain - pain - stress - stress. But if you walk around thinking I'm happy, I'm relaxed - the brain is supposed to put out those signals. I'm happy - send out the serotonin. If you smile, even when you don't feel it, your brain is supposed to put out happy chemicals. It is just all a lot easier to say then to do when you are caught up in that stress and pain cycle.
I'm still all kinds of stressed, things going to collection left & right & disconnection notices wkly BUT I'm going to tell my brain and body that I AM RELAXED AND HAPPY, HAPPY AND RELAXED (damn it)
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