Yes I am...damn it!
*sigh*
I think the beautiful weather we have had has been a big factor in my mood. I am trying REALLY REALLY hard to not let this gray sky drag me down.
I went home and thoroughly cleaned the fridge last night (despite the fact that the rain made me want to just climb in bed and hide). I probably haven't done that in 2 years. The shelves were so disgusting, I was taking them out and washing them in the bathtub. I tried to finish going through my clothes but Kallyn wooed me with DVR's shows. I tried to do both since the DVR is in my room, but I got too entrenched in the shows and found myself sitting on my bed, clothes forgotten...
Tonight I am either going to an AA meeting or to a friends for dinner. Tomorrow is see RahRahs!! Thursday my eldest leaves with a friend for the OR coast until Tuesday - the day before school starts. The day before she starts HIGH SCHOOL. (did you hear that white hair pop out of my head?) It stresses me out that she is gone and not here to get ready. She doesn't think there is much to do to get ready and I suppose there is not. There is only 3 days of school and then a 3 day weekend and really the teachers will give them their supply list and then we will go shopping. Her "Daughter's Day" is Labor Day weekend. I'm not even buying her any school clothes until then.
I felt like I was fogetting something and I just remembered. I bank at Prevail CU and I LOVE them but for various reasons I need to find another banking institution. I really don't trust banks and that is why I am at a CU. Does anyone have a bank they love or a CU. Can anyone join BECU now? I was thinking I heard that so I thought I would check that out. My brother in law works for a CU but they were recently bought out by another CU. No one is safe anymore. I want open a new account very soon. That will be another HUGE HUGE step for me. I will be cuttting a big tie by doing so.
Oooohhh, I see some blue sky outside my window and with it, my mood is also lifting. I really think I need to move to California someday.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Good Weekend
I don't really know what I'm gonna say so hang in there with me. I just feel like I should Blog.
The POD IS GONE!!!!!!! I parked in the driveway Friday for the 1st time since Nov 2008. The POD was like a bad houseguest. It was supposed to be there for a month - 2 tops and it was almost 3 years. Gone now. Now I feel SO motivated to keep cleaning all the clutter and crap we have accumulated. I've been SO overwhelmed and just wanted to put my head in the sand but now I feel rejuvinated. We were packrats and had clutter before Kallyn got RSD and I spent so much time concentrating on her. Then I left for 2 months in 2007 and then the house really fell apart (do you think Jake did anything while I was gone?) and it has NEVER recovered. I still spent time concentraing on her. My children are more important than housekeeping. It's not "Hoarders" level but it's bad enough that I refuse to watch that show. So, I spent the weekend working on my bedroom and came up with 3 more bags for Good Will. I have a dresser that I haven't seen the bottom drawers since Dec 2009 because there was stuff in front of them. I opened the drawer and the girls and I had a good laugh over what was in there. ALL of it went in the Good Will bags.
THEN... oh boy.... I have two shelves in my room that are the length of a wall and they are what I see when I lay in bed. I have looked at them for months and thought "I REALLY want to clean those up a bit". There are some knick-knacks of Jake's that the girls have given him. Some books of his, some books that I have read and he said he wanted to read but I knew he never would. I cleaned up some of that stuff. Donated the unread books. Packed up his knick-knacks in a box of his stuff I started. I layed in bed last night and looked at the shelves in a new light. I LIKED looking at them for the first time in over a year. I'm not done yet but it was a start. I'm taking back a life that has not been mine in a long long time.
Oh and I went to an AA meeting Friday night. I have not been to one since March 2010 (my AA birthday month). I went to the meeting that I call my homegroup. I was hoping to see some people that I just love and miss and they were there. (I'm smiling now just thinking about it). I haven't been to a meeting in that long for two reasons. 1)I have been really angry at my higher power. I just can't explain that. 2)I was having anxiety attacks that I really can't explain but it had a lot to do w/going to mtgs w/Jake knowing that he was still drinking and lying about it. There was shame even though I knew I shouldn't feel that way. Shame that I was staying in the situation instead of getting out of it. I was driving home from work Friday and a voice popped up in my head and told me I should go to the meeting and instead of anxiety, I felt peace and happiness. And I was greeted with open arms and love. Told how much I was missed. There is such a bond between recovering alcoholics, that can't be explained either.
AND... after the meeting I was hit on for my first time ... in I don't know how many years. There was guy there that I had never seen and he was HOT... and my age ... and he asked if I wanted to go to another meeting afterwards. But he was going to Bellevue and I was not about to go off with a stranger, even though others had seen him before. I would have to see him a couple more times at the meeting. After he left one of the guys was like "Damn! You were just hit on" and I said "DAMN, and he WAS HOT! I wanted to go!" I told my daughters and my youngest was actually upset with me that I didn't get his phone #!! That shocked me.
So, good, fun, productive weekend. (And I FINALLY got to complain about it being too hot!! Yay!!) This week I get to see the RahRahs on Wednesday and I'm so looking forward to that.
The POD IS GONE!!!!!!! I parked in the driveway Friday for the 1st time since Nov 2008. The POD was like a bad houseguest. It was supposed to be there for a month - 2 tops and it was almost 3 years. Gone now. Now I feel SO motivated to keep cleaning all the clutter and crap we have accumulated. I've been SO overwhelmed and just wanted to put my head in the sand but now I feel rejuvinated. We were packrats and had clutter before Kallyn got RSD and I spent so much time concentrating on her. Then I left for 2 months in 2007 and then the house really fell apart (do you think Jake did anything while I was gone?) and it has NEVER recovered. I still spent time concentraing on her. My children are more important than housekeeping. It's not "Hoarders" level but it's bad enough that I refuse to watch that show. So, I spent the weekend working on my bedroom and came up with 3 more bags for Good Will. I have a dresser that I haven't seen the bottom drawers since Dec 2009 because there was stuff in front of them. I opened the drawer and the girls and I had a good laugh over what was in there. ALL of it went in the Good Will bags.
THEN... oh boy.... I have two shelves in my room that are the length of a wall and they are what I see when I lay in bed. I have looked at them for months and thought "I REALLY want to clean those up a bit". There are some knick-knacks of Jake's that the girls have given him. Some books of his, some books that I have read and he said he wanted to read but I knew he never would. I cleaned up some of that stuff. Donated the unread books. Packed up his knick-knacks in a box of his stuff I started. I layed in bed last night and looked at the shelves in a new light. I LIKED looking at them for the first time in over a year. I'm not done yet but it was a start. I'm taking back a life that has not been mine in a long long time.
Oh and I went to an AA meeting Friday night. I have not been to one since March 2010 (my AA birthday month). I went to the meeting that I call my homegroup. I was hoping to see some people that I just love and miss and they were there. (I'm smiling now just thinking about it). I haven't been to a meeting in that long for two reasons. 1)I have been really angry at my higher power. I just can't explain that. 2)I was having anxiety attacks that I really can't explain but it had a lot to do w/going to mtgs w/Jake knowing that he was still drinking and lying about it. There was shame even though I knew I shouldn't feel that way. Shame that I was staying in the situation instead of getting out of it. I was driving home from work Friday and a voice popped up in my head and told me I should go to the meeting and instead of anxiety, I felt peace and happiness. And I was greeted with open arms and love. Told how much I was missed. There is such a bond between recovering alcoholics, that can't be explained either.
AND... after the meeting I was hit on for my first time ... in I don't know how many years. There was guy there that I had never seen and he was HOT... and my age ... and he asked if I wanted to go to another meeting afterwards. But he was going to Bellevue and I was not about to go off with a stranger, even though others had seen him before. I would have to see him a couple more times at the meeting. After he left one of the guys was like "Damn! You were just hit on" and I said "DAMN, and he WAS HOT! I wanted to go!" I told my daughters and my youngest was actually upset with me that I didn't get his phone #!! That shocked me.
So, good, fun, productive weekend. (And I FINALLY got to complain about it being too hot!! Yay!!) This week I get to see the RahRahs on Wednesday and I'm so looking forward to that.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Yesterday was a great day!
I had dinner with some friends I haven't seen in a long time at a place that has great food.
I was late getting to dinner because when I made my brief stop at home, I found out that the man who assured me that he would move the rest of the stuff away from the POD had not done so. (hmmmm.... who could that be?) So I had to take pull everything away from it. (there was a pile of garbage in front of it and a couple of things leaning against it.) It took about 15 minutes. Then I had to deal with Kallyn, who has a very sore throat, and I had forgotten to stop at store to get her Sprite because I was talking on the phone to my mom...
Then after dinner I went with one of them and her friend to a bar to go D A N C I N G. I had a blast! The band was playing 70's music and dressed up in 70's style. I really like dancing. I am sort of afraid I look like Elaine Benes (from Seinfeld) out on the dance floor, but I also feel like I am getting out stress and emotion and I can just sort of lose myself.
Today the sun is shing and soon
THE POD will be gooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Party in my driveway!
Oh, and I have looked at all my comment settings and it's open to everyone and you don't need a verification so I have no idea why it won't let people comment. If you have a blogger account, instead of using the account option, try the Name/URL option and see if that works.
I was late getting to dinner because when I made my brief stop at home, I found out that the man who assured me that he would move the rest of the stuff away from the POD had not done so. (hmmmm.... who could that be?) So I had to take pull everything away from it. (there was a pile of garbage in front of it and a couple of things leaning against it.) It took about 15 minutes. Then I had to deal with Kallyn, who has a very sore throat, and I had forgotten to stop at store to get her Sprite because I was talking on the phone to my mom...
Then after dinner I went with one of them and her friend to a bar to go D A N C I N G. I had a blast! The band was playing 70's music and dressed up in 70's style. I really like dancing. I am sort of afraid I look like Elaine Benes (from Seinfeld) out on the dance floor, but I also feel like I am getting out stress and emotion and I can just sort of lose myself.
Today the sun is shing and soon
THE POD will be gooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Party in my driveway!
Oh, and I have looked at all my comment settings and it's open to everyone and you don't need a verification so I have no idea why it won't let people comment. If you have a blogger account, instead of using the account option, try the Name/URL option and see if that works.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Hump Day Humor - a test
Below are four questions and a bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing. They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time, but instead, answer each of them immediately.
Ready?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's
First Question:
You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<
Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you
overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!
Try not to mess up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much
time as you took for the first question,
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<
Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are WRONG again.
Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only.. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
Scroll down for the correct answer......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100 ..
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it ?
Maybe you'll get lhe last question right...
Maybe...
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ???
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary you idiot! Read the question again!
Okay, now the Bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing
his teeth he successfully expresseshimself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how
does HE indicate what hewants?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's really very simple. He opens his mouth and ask for it...
Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!
I am trying really hard to not think abou the fact that it was one month ago today that Geoff passed away. At 9:50 pm tonight. When I close my eyes I see him take his last breath.... but I try really hard to focus on his life. We are in desparate need to see his vehicle right now as the repo guy is trying to take it. My mom can sell it for more than what she owes and she NEEDS that money to be able to buy something else. She can't be carless. The repo guy keeps calling and screaming, taunting, threatening. We are playing cat & mouse/hide & seek with the car. I feel like I am in a movie. I can feel Geoff with me though. That is what counts the most.
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time, but instead, answer each of them immediately.
Ready?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
Scroll down slowly to uncover Q's and A's
First Question:
You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<
Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you
overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!
Try not to mess up next time. Now answer the second question, but don't take as much
time as you took for the first question,
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<
Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are WRONG again.
Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??
You're not very good at this, are you?
Third Question :
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only.. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator.
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
Scroll down for the correct answer......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100 ..
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it ?
Maybe you'll get lhe last question right...
Maybe...
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ???
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary you idiot! Read the question again!
Okay, now the Bonus round, i.e., a final chance to redeem yourself:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing
his teeth he successfully expresseshimself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how
does HE indicate what hewants?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's really very simple. He opens his mouth and ask for it...
Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!
HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!
I am trying really hard to not think abou the fact that it was one month ago today that Geoff passed away. At 9:50 pm tonight. When I close my eyes I see him take his last breath.... but I try really hard to focus on his life. We are in desparate need to see his vehicle right now as the repo guy is trying to take it. My mom can sell it for more than what she owes and she NEEDS that money to be able to buy something else. She can't be carless. The repo guy keeps calling and screaming, taunting, threatening. We are playing cat & mouse/hide & seek with the car. I feel like I am in a movie. I can feel Geoff with me though. That is what counts the most.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Things are GOING to look up
You know what? I have prayed to God that things will get better. That luck will change. I have begged, pleaded, been ready to trade my left kidney for it. But I don't think that I have ever just looked up at the clear blue sky and said
"My luck IS changing damn it. Because I said so and that's all there is to it.
And I felt the sun shine brighter on me.
"My luck IS changing damn it. Because I said so and that's all there is to it.
And I felt the sun shine brighter on me.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
THE POD IS EMPTY!!!!
Well, mostly empty. There is a dresser, an unbuilt table in a box and a rubber maid container of LP's. Stuff I need help lifting (Jake told me yesterday he'd come over this morning and I've not heard from him today). BUT I am calling tomorrow to schedule it to be picked up and taken out of my driveway!!! I got in a mood yesterday and nothing was going to stop me. I am so damn excited and proud of myself. The NW Center is coming on Wednesday to pick up donations and I have like 7 garbage bags of stuff. I fillled up 3 bags of garbage. I feel a huge weight off my shoulder and I know I will fee even a bigger one once I pull up into my drive for the first time in almost 3 years.
I think that will really give me the boost to keep going. I have just been buzzing since Thursday. I'm praying that I keep it up. I literally feel like a switch has been flipped in my head. Like the "off" switch has been turned "on." Did I over do it yesterday? Yes. Do I hurt today? Hell yes. But it's also a good, accomplished hurt. I am moving forward in my life. Damn it.
I think that will really give me the boost to keep going. I have just been buzzing since Thursday. I'm praying that I keep it up. I literally feel like a switch has been flipped in my head. Like the "off" switch has been turned "on." Did I over do it yesterday? Yes. Do I hurt today? Hell yes. But it's also a good, accomplished hurt. I am moving forward in my life. Damn it.
Friday, August 12, 2011
I think I fixed the commenting problem
I didn't realize there were different settings. I still don't quite understand Blogger. Windows Live made me mad a lot, but I understood it.
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